I am never going to
get used to this title card.
Diana is still in
France with Ysabeau and she HASN’T had a tragic accident falling down all those
stairs yet. I know I was surprised too. Ysabeau, you are not creative.
Instead she decides
to try and scare Diana off by taking her hunting and have Diana watch her kill
a fox for blood. For she is a vampire RAWR. Honestly it’s… not horrifying? I
mean she could have killed say, a deer and wrapped the entrails round her neck
like a stole and covered her face in blood. This was… really clean and quite
neat? “THIS IS THE REALITY YOU WILL LIVE WITH IF YOU’RE WITH MY VAMPIRE SON!”
uh-huh, I know rich people in silly clothes here in England who are waaaaay
more evil when hunting foxes than Ysabeau.
Unshockingly, lack of
vegetarianism does not send Diana running for the hills. So Ysabeau decides to
tell her of Matthew’s human life 1500 years ago when he had a wife and child
who died of fever and he may have actually committed suicide in response. She
sired him when she found him dying and he was all ragy and savage. She is
convinced that Matthew has not mated since then because he’s not over this
human who died in medieval times. Look, not to destroy a good true love
narrative, but someone who is grieving for fifteen centuries needs therapy.
That’s not healthy. Oh Ysabeau doubles down -
Diana is also mortal and will die and leave him all sad and tragic.
Ysabeau is pulling
zero punches here. No it doesn’t work… can we remember that this epic love is
based on about 2 weeks acquaintence?
Marthe also tells
Diana how awesomely powerful she is but, in a moment of almost insightful
thinking, Diana isn’t excited about this because it’s basically even more power
she can’t control. This is a good insight. Now she needs to actually do
something about it
Also she needs to
tell these vampires to get the hell out of her bathroom while she’s bathing.
Diana calls her aunts
to catch up and ask why she wasn’t told about the Congregation and the Covenant
to have the excellent response that how could they when she resists all mention
of magic. Fair point. She also tells her aunts she loves the vampire she hasn’t
known for a month yet, which her aunts thinks this is a very very bad idea.
Diana insists that they must surely understand
To which her lesbian
aunts should get on a plane to France right then so they can personally slap
her upside the head for that completely uncalled for dig at their relationship
and comparing marrying a vampire to marrying another woman. Discovery of
Witches, you’ve put your lesbians safely on a different continent, don’t
make it even worse.
In Oxford Matthew
checks his lab and finds nothing stolen - but does smell out the witch who
broke in. It’s Gillian - and he hunts her down. She doesn’t really explain
herself beyond “vampires are awful, RAWR!” so he bites her and drains her blood
(which also gets her memories of what she saw) and steals her phone which had
photographs of his lab. Gillian staggers with extreme severe blood loss to
Sylvia’s house
Miriam is not happy
with Matthew for drawing all this attention to him with his witch mating -
because everyone knows this is happening. Yes he’s not been subtle. But Matthew
is sure that it wasn’t about his lab - but about Diana’s samples. Because it
has to about Diana it seems. Personally I think the witches may be more
interested in the fact he’s illicitly examining their DNA after digging up
their ancestor’s bodies. I mean they might have issues with this… which isn’t
exactly… out there?
Marcus is equally
concerned about this witch love and calls Baldwin, head of their family and
Congregation to explain what’s happening but how he’s totally sure Matthew has
it together. Baldwin not so much and is pretty sure that Matthew will drag them
all down and he absolutely cannot help him. He’s not making politics easy and
there’s not a lot of good will on the Congregation
At the Congregation,
Knoxx is freaked out about Matthew experimenting on witch DNA - but is pretty
blase about him attacking Gillian because a) he doesn’t want his fellow
Congregation witches to learn that he put her up to breaking into his lab and
b) while having sex with a witch is super bad, nearly killing her is totally ok
so long as she broke into your home first
This is actually
really consistent as the whole Congregation is very respectful of each others’
territory. In fact, when Knoxx suggests “rescuing” Diana and sending in
multiple Creatures (even Agatha and the demons are tired of this nonsense and
want it sorted) to collect her Baldwin can veto it simply because it’s his home
and he’s not having them invade. He will grab her
Satu suggests to
Knoxx that she use some big bad dark magic to “open” Diana. Which Knoxx objects
to because it will a) likely kill Diana and b) likely corrupt the one who casts
this. It’s a very very bad idea. And yes, Knoxx, is still treating Satu as a
servant. She also suggests allying with Gerbert since it’s clear the vampire
really really hates Mathew as well - but Knoxx hates all vampires. And Gerbert
is rumoured to have kept a witch enthralled for centuries
Which would explain
the decapitated prophet head he has in his box. It keeps repeating its prophecy
of the witch with the Blood of the Lion and the Lamb - which is definitely
Diana. And that they’re two - light and dark. This could almost be a mystery
but we’re actually following Satu while the head recites this so we’re not
having these silly mystery things. Apparently they will “destroy the children
of the night.” Why even try to be mysterious when it’s this obvious?
Satu decides to visit
Gerbert anyway - which is likely a bad idea.
But there is a third
player in the world -the demons. And Matt has managed to arrange a meet up with
the dispossessed demons as he always wanted. They’re openly talking about
revealing themselves to humans and generally bonding. But Matt is interrupted
by Sophie - who has had another prophetic dream and she has to speak to Agatha
about it including revealing her big dark secret (I’m going to guess she’s half
demon half something else) which is bad but vital in order to get her statue to
Diana. Which matters for some reason… This needs to become relevant soon. In
fact I want to know way more about the demons
So with all his magic
and politics going on Matthew is… seeing his demon friend to discuss how much
he loves Diana (said demon is in a relationship with a human and gets away with
it because no-one gives a shit about demons or humans). Because she’s clever
(yes) and funny (is she? When?) and a man who hasn’t had a real relationship
for 1500 is enthralled after a few weeks. Also he fears her learning about his
past
Because there has to
be a dark past. It’s a rule. We know this.
Matthew does some
more science with Diana’s blood and is super super super excited by what he
finds and hurries to her side as soon as he can. But before he talks science to
her she demands he tell her how he feels - that he loves her. That Ysabeau has
totally prepared her for what it means to love a vampire
Hey I don’t normally
do relationship advice - but do not do not DO NOT ask your partners if they
love you after 4 weeks acquaintance.
Matthew is as
obsessed as her and they kiss all loving. I think that hand holding may be a
mating as well. Ysabeau goes from “horrible woman, I’m plotting how to eat your
skin!” to “you’re my daughter now! Together we will gladly feast on those who
would subdue us!”
She’s still worried
though as the Congregation will be coming for them - and she thinks Diana
really needs to get her magic mojo working
Speaking off - those
special DNA results. It turns out Diana has ALL THE POWERS EVER. Who didn’t see
this coming? She’s still iffy with magic since her parents were persecuted for
their pow---
Wait no they weren’t.
They were murdered by witches, remember? That was the plot twist a couple of
episodes ago? Are you having memories issues Diana?
They kiss again,
discuss “bundling” which Diana isn’t having because it’s 2018 and she wants to
get her some. But he’s self conscious because he’s been scarred over her very
very long existence and she’s all reassuring as she takes off his shirt and
slowly reveals… a… largely unmarked torso? I think they’re going for an Outlander
moment but I have worse scars than that…
They have sex and are
all happy. So the next morning Diana goes for a walk and is kidnapped…
It could be by
Baldwin, Satu, Knox, Gerbert - or even Juliette because Dominico has just
told her that Matthew has a new lover - and Juliette is not having
that...
