Way back ye precurse
days (is this the third curse? The fourth curse?) Robin (that would be Zelina
and Robin’s daughter conceived after Zelena raped Robin but we don’t talk about
that) tries to experiment with her magic, much to Zelena’s disapproval, because
a magicless Zelena thinks it’s very very dangerous.
She’s also not happy
that “cool aunt Regina” has given Robin one of her grandmother’s spell books.
That would be one of Cora’s spellbooks… umm… I hate to say it but I’m kind of
team Zelena on this one. By all means teach her magic, but giving her one of
Cora’s books?
The book contains a
spell to summon “mother nature” which looks super nice except Mother Nature is
a pseudonym for Mother Gothel - and this is the spell an angry Robin uses in
teenaged rebellion against her mother. She vanishes
Zelena goes to Regina
to confront her about this - not to ask for help but because she’s annoyed with
“cool Aunt” Regina parenting her daughter. While she rejects Regina’s help,
Hook (or “Nook”, new Hook, as Zelena dismissively calls him) isn’t so easily
put off - he has his own grudge against Mother Gothel and he’s determined to be
there.
Using Hook’s memories
and a magic door they arrive in a magical shop where Gothel is talking to a
dead witch - Leota. Leota doesn’t appreciate the interruption and even dead
apparently has the power to zap people.
And a spanner is
thrown in the works when Robin reveals she doesn’t want rescuing - she wasn’t
kidnapped, she ran away. She wants to be mentored and taught by Gothel. Zelena
is crushed - and leaves - because you can‘t rescue someone who doesn’t want to
be rescued. She further worries that her own attempts to keep Robin magic free
rather mirror her own father’s attempts to suppress her magic.
Hook, who does little
more than posture constantly, does try to invoke the supreme power of
motherhood and appeals for Zelena to go back and spread gooey love everywhere
So they go back and
surprise surprise, Mother Gothel is evil! She wants to sacrifice Robin so she
can resurrect Leota using the oh-so-unoriginally-names resurrection amulet.
Zelena arrives in time to offer herself instead because being ineffective and
wet is what happens to people on Once Upon a Time only to be saved by
Robin who grabbed a bow and an enchanted arrow
Apparently this is
enough to intimidate a powerful witch and a legendary dead witch who can throw
lightning are afraid of flying sharp bits of wood
After which Zelena
and Robin have a whole reunion and isn’t it touching? Zelena tries to back down
on the idea that all magic is bad, but Robin decides she didn’t actually like
magic but as her daughter she felt she had to be good at it. But actually
archery is super cool. She then just hands her magic over to Zelena…
Ok, let’s put aside
this rather dubious storyline to return to the present and the confusion there.
So Lucy is still
unconscious in hospital and may need donors so they take samples of Jack/Nick
(fake dad) Jacinda and Henry (real dad) who volunteers.
While they’re doing
that Zelena and Regina are having a huge sisterly bonding moments while also
recapping us all on everything: break the curse and Lucy lives but Henry dies.
Keep the curse going and Lucy dies and Henry lives. Or there’s Regina’s option
which is EVERYONE LIVES RAAAAWR.
Gothel has both
Victoria and Drizila down a well and convinces Anastasia to turn against her
mother (which seems to be a major habit of her’s) by telling Anastasia the many
many many many many many many many many many oh so many evil things Anastasia/Rapunzel
has done which convinces Anastasia that maybe she isn’t a good person
Gothel then drops
Victoria back down the well to bicker with Drizilla and even when urging
co-operation Victoria still can’t bring herself to say nice things about
Drizilla, it’s all about Anastasia. They escape with highly improbable use of
designer shoes. Victoria makes another appeal for unity and they have another
argument with Drizilla accusing her of all being about Anastasia. Rapunzel who
seems to have forgotten what parenthood is supposed to mean, argues back that
Drizilla has failed to earn it. So Drizilla reveals it was her idea to send the
lanterns that gave Rapunzel hope
Yeah, I’m not here
for a storyline where a child had to earn their parent’s love and suddenly gets
it when she proves she did.
Gothel continues to
groom Anastasia to be on her side, again, Gothel definitely makes a habit of
this. While Rumple tries to convince the still cursed Hook that Gothel (or
“Eloise”) is evil, a cult leader and kidnapping children. Killian isn’t ready
to believe that and insists on proving her innocence. He visits her to find her
being all cagey and with a very child-like meal (laid out for Anastasia) so
that didn’t go to plan
Gothel makes her own
move - she goes to Zelena and offers to heal Lucy if they give her the
Resurrection amulet.
Zelena accepts to
Regina’s surprise - but of course Zelena’s not going to actually give her the
amulet. They’re going to plan. But first they need to find the amulet and
realise it’s in Regina’s bar (which is part of why Victoria was so eager for it
in the first place). This used to be Zelena’s bar as well and she’s most upset
that Regina has totally upscaled her Dive aesthetic. I have to say I’m with
Regina on this one. Among many sisterly moments (and they’re absolutely awesome
together) they find the amulet.
And Victoria takes it
off them, using a gun. Damn someone finally discovered firearms and it’s
Victoria/Rapunzel. She also justifies herself by how she’s doing everything for
her daughter which she thinks Regina should understand - after all Regina was
forgiven. Hah, regina earned every ounce of that forgiveness!
She takes the amulet
to Gothel and Anastasia to try and prove to Anastasia that she’s not evil and
she wants to help Lucy. After draining some of Anastasia’s magic and sending
her away, Gothel prepares to use it. Which means a sacrifice
This would be the
dire consequences that Regina warned about and Victoria duly ignored. Drizilla
is pulled in to be sacrificed and she quickly reminds Victoria of how terrible
a mother she is and how she totally wanted Drizilla dead so she must be happy.
Finally moved to parenthood, Victoria pushes her out of the ring to offer
herself as sacrifice. Ah, the easiest redemption of them all… martyrdom. In
true tense moment fashion, Drizilla just kind of lays on the floor and watches
What, did she throw
the gun away or something? Don’t tell me she’s squeamish! She could easily have
killed Mother Gothel here
The spell is complete
and… Lucy is resurrected. Or healed. Or wakes up. And… ok… why? I mean why is
this Mother Gothel’s plan? What is her actual agenda here? What has her agenda
ever been before ye gods it’s a confusion at the moment
Seeing a dead
Victoria, Killian starts to believe Rumple that maybe “Eloise” isn’t all that
nice.
And the DNA test?
Yep, confirms that Henry is the dad. But the doctor drinks from a poisoned
figure - and a gloved figure steals the results. And cuts off a lock of her
hair.
So Zelena feels
terrible that her attempt to suppress Robin’s magic duplicated her dad’s
behaviour…. Which… um… so why? Why would she do it? I can’t see Zelena being so
anti-magic in her own daughter given her own experiences. Especially since
Zelena has never really been all “magic is evil!!!!”. It feels… unnecessarily
odd and out of character
Oh and I call
bullshit. I don’t care if her dad was Robin Hood. I don’t care if a bow
inexplicably scared the big bad, I don’t buy anyone saying “magic, with all
it’s infinite power and diversity is boring, archery for me!”. Magic >
wooden projectiles. Also teenaged rebellion ends with the child deciding that
her mother was right all along - when she was being more than a little
unreasonable - isn’t exactly great
I think knowing this
is the last season has also grossly reduced my tolerance for complicated plot
lines especially with the Reboot. I was happy to invest in the reboot, I
thought the reboot could be success, I thought they actually did a great job of
rebooting it. But learning that it’s already finished leaves me questioning why
I need to be invested in these people? It’s like hearing a show has been
cancelled half way through the pilot season - why follow their story when we
know it’s not going anywhere? And I say that someone, perhaps the only one
anywhere, who actually thinks the reboot did good.
