The gang is now wandering through the wilderness haunted
by feral vampires and they’re running out of bullets and it’s all looking grim
Except Vanessa is still carving a great big hole through
everything.
They’re sort-of-saved (not exactly saved since Vanessa
can defeat entire armies) by people with bows and swords. Including super hot
guy Theo with a katana.
They’re taken to their saviour’s home called Eden
Ok, Trope aware moment. If anyone EVER calls their camp “utopia” “eden” “paradise” or some other idealistic nonsense then you need to RUN. Because that person is either trying to cover something up, sell you something or actually believes their own hype. This is the realm of dictators and cultists. Run people, the vampires are better.
So there they meet cult leader Micah with a vaguely
undefined accent to ensure us that he’s properly sinister. This little island
of tranquillity is undisturbed because Micah has a deal with Magda, a vampire,
not to slaughter every human there (despite apparently being one of only three
vampires who the sexy guy with a katana could easily have killed and definitely
could with Vanessa) so long as they give her twice monthly blood donations
I’m assuming that despite the post-apocalyptic
low-techness of this world, someone’s managed to hook up some awesome
refrigeration technology because there’s no way that blood would last for 2
weeks. The amount of blood they give her is also kind of ridiculously small considering
how many people seem to be there: how did anyone think this was supposed to be
the whole part of the deal?
Magda let’s Micah know that Vanessa is a scary scary
person the vampires are interested in.
Which is kind of unnecessary because the super calm Micah
apparently can offer amazing therapy and after one session Flesh becomes super
chill and happy and resolved with his evil past and happily shares the whole
gang’s secrets without the slightest reservation. Damn, that’s some good
therapy. I mean, you’d think he’d need at least 2 sessions to open up a little.
Vanessa and Suzy are less convinced by the utopia
especially since there’s a whole lot of heavily pregnant women but no kids. They
suspect cultist Micah is impregnating all his followers – but instead he
explains his noble purpose: they’re keeping a safe place for the women of the
Resistance to have their babies so they can safely have the next generation
that will continue the fight against the vampires
Looks like they’re definitely planning for the long time
and now just for the sun to come back from behind the ash cloud. Speaking of,
if this ash cloud is blocking out the sunlight and has been for years what has
this done to the food supply? How obscured is the sun because it looks pretty
bright this episode.
One of those women goes into labour and it turns out this
safe haven for pregnant women to give babies has no obstetricians, midwives or
anything. Damn there’s a flaw in this plan. Thankfully Doc is there to help
Now this could have been an excellent moment where we
redeemed Doc. We would look at Doc and acknowledge that, yes, she’s a coward
but she has other skills and talents that make her utterly essential and
valuable. That doc is an incredibly valuable member of the team even if she isn’t
a warrior. She is worth protecting even if she cannot add to any combat
scenario.
Instead what we have is Doc explaining to Vanessa about
how Axel died and Vanessa declaring that Doc is the worst and she never ever
ever wants to see her again.
Well, that could have gone better
Vanessa also gets on very well with Hot Guy who is hot
and really good with a sword. He also reveals his sensitive tragic past which
makes him totally acceptable sex partner and she gets on with that.
We also have the amazingly huge coincidence – remember Mohammed
ran into a woman called Emma? Well she brought them back to Eden where Sam runs
into him after deciding to randomly follow someone, be locked up and then
discover, coincidentally that Magda the vampire happens to be Micah’s ex-wife.
Oh and Sam murders someone because… I’m not even sure why. Because he was
locked in a cupboard after he went randomly snooping?
This whole storyline is pointless anyway because Vanessa
and Hot Guy run into one of Micah’s minions with the new mother and her new
baby. Turns out they’re being delivered to Magda as tasty baby tribute – which is
pretty predictable. Vanessa and Hot Guy are definitely not into baby munching,
rescue said baby and return back to Eden in time to denounce Micah and stop them
executing Sam and Mohammed and Suzy because of Sam’s random murdering. Well
Flesh stops him by stabbing in the neck because he lost all faith in his new
messiah after one day of therapy
Someone needs to address Flesh and his dangerous
overreaction to disappointment.
In the aftermath Flesh and Hot Guy decide to stay in the
town to defend it and continue to build something good so long as they can find
Magda and kill her before she calls in the rest of the vampires to kill them all.
Hot Guy gives Vanessa a katana because white people specifically
and westerners in general have a really freaky fetish about katanas despite
them being a generally shoddy sword for apocalypses. He was also a high school
fencing in instructor which would have given him loads of skills completely not
applicable to a katana. Also, how many high schools have fencing?
 |
| A katana? There's no way this isn't going to look like a pathetic knock off of Michonne. |
The disturbed Doc continues her epic dehumanisation by catching
up with Magda and begging to be made a vampire again. Only she doesn’t even get
that because being bitten by Vanessa means you are now totally immune to
vampirism. She’s a traitor to humanity and doesn’t even get to be a vampire
again. Also Vanessa needs to be biting everyone which would be a whole new
show, especially since Vanessa likes to bite people during sex.
With Mohammed back with the gang that is going… somewhere…
for… reasons… the show has restored its necessary POC in the group. It’s not
exactly a T-Dog chain, but it’s definitely T-Dog Chain adjacent. Now he needs
to actually have a storyline and a whole lot more to try and make the hot mess
of Sheema and Doc palatable.
