Once Upon a Time
is back and we begin with a little Aladdin/Jafar scene. I’m torn – part of me
wishes that they’d managed to cast Naveen Andrews to make it more consistent
with Once Upon a Time in Wonderland.
At the same time this Jafar is decidedly yummy
It seems Aladdin is/was a Saviour as well – but he’s
helpless, his hands shaking uncontrollably. Jafar taunts him – everyone asks a
Saviour for help and the Saviour, naturally, gives and gives – until there’s
nothing left
Is it disturbing to hear Jafar paraphrase the Giving
Tree? Yes yes it is.
Apparently Jafar believes no Saviour ever has a Happily Ever after
So back to storybrooke where Emma and Killian’s sexy
times are interrupted by Killian’s sexiness causing an earthquake (also
possible the horror at the idea of Mary Margaret, the soggiest of characters,
walking in on them caused the earth to recoil)
Or it could be the giant dirigible, I suppose. Filled with people from Hyde’s land of untold stories, it’s duly ominous. What is more ominous is that Hyde is pretty much immune to everything including Emma and Regina working together
(Awesome line:
Regina: I don’t know how strong I am without my evil half
Emma: Evil didn’t make you strong)
Did I mention how much I love how Emma and Regina bounce
off each other.
So Hyde is the big bad and evil and… Jekyll jury-rigs an
anti-hyde weapon and some anti-hyde handcuffs. He’s a prisoner now. Well that
was anti-climactic. Is he just there to increase the amount of sexiness in the
season?
I approve of this if he is. Now bring back the Knave. I
know he doesn’t have a storyline, he doesn’t need one – he can just lurk in the
corner and look roguish and sad.
Anyway, I digress.
Hyde is duly imprisoned but Emma is concerned – her hands
have started shaking and she starts to have visions of her fighting someone.
Her symptoms are looking a lot like Aladdin’s. While she absolutely refuses to
talk to her knowledgeable, magically experienced and loving friends and family
about this (even being reluctant when Archie shows up for therapy) and instead decides
to question evil Hyde who makes Cryptic Comments and totally doesn’t have an
ulterior motive.
Really Emma? You’re better than this. Or should be.
This leads Emma to going to see an Oracle who got on the
dirigible and totally believing her visions that she’s going to meet a shadowy
figure fighting in a really impractical robe who will then stab her (Emma…
no-one can fight in that robe, no way is that legit).
Hyde has some more taunts, whether Emma, like the
Saviours before her – will try to help the villain which will kill her if she
accepts them
Which is what Mary Margaret is doing – she wanders into
the woods trying to find the people who fled offering them food and shelter and
peace and love and tie-dyes.
Ok, am I the only one beginning to spy a very very clumsy
refugee angle here? We have the people of Untold Stories – and that already
implies a power imbalance. I mean aren’t the people of UNTOLD stories lesser
than power houses like Snow White? On one side we have Mary Margaret asking a
small horde of non-sexy pirates to come home and stab her in her bed while she
sleeps, on the other we’re going to have Emma kicking out starving children in
case they’re the enemy (ok, maybe Once
Upon a Time will handle it with more subtlety than that.)
Meanwhile Regina and Zelena are having issues. Which I
kind of like. I mean I quite like them as sisters, but I also think the two
went from “sworn enemies” to “bestest sister friends” ever in an inordinately short
period. They’re both clearly trying and Regina is, equally, clearly irritated
by her sister. This comes to a head when Zelena reveals she has a present from
the dead Robin to Regina… and she’s kind of lost it.
At Mary Margaret’s suggestion – Regina and Zelena talk
about it and have a fight: Regina admits she blames Zelena for Robin being “annihilated”
while Zelena, always seeking sisterly bonding, is bitter that Regina removed
the Evil Queen part of herself – the part of her closest to Zelena herself. The
two have issues
But Henry has some decent wisdom – he points out to
Regina that they only reason they think Robin is “annihilated” and not in
whatever afterlife there is is because Hades said so. And villains are not
exactly nice trustworthy people (hear that Emma?!) – they can hope for something
better
Of course Mary Maragret takes that one better and makes
it even more nauseatingly sweet. See Regina wants to know how Mary Margaret
kept everything so positive when Regina was so terribad awful. Well Mary
Margaret chose hope! See even if everything is terrible and awful you can
always deny reality and decide everything is going to be ok because you want it
to and then you can sing to bluebells and wish on stars and just CHOOSE HOPE
I’m paraphrasing. Also Doc clearly spends his life baking
entire trays of cannabis brownies for the Charmings. Also, if you want any
greater proof that Regina is a good woman then note that she hasn’t turned Mary
Margaret into something fluffy, adorable and easily squished.
Meanwhile Zelena comes home to find her sister – but she’s
so amazingly dressed it simply has to be the evil one
Time to catch up with Gold who has sold the town to Hyde
to get access to Morpheus’s sand, let him enter Belle’s dreams and be able to
wake her up. It starts going to plan with him reliving the past with Belle as a
servant and him as Rumple (I forgot what he was like like this and he’s still
creepy) – he reminds Belle of how she fell in love with him… (also dancing to “tale
as old as time” have to give points)
…and sadly for him also reminds her of the many many many
many promises she’s broken. Belle and Gold’s storyline is such an awesome
antithesis of everything fairy tales stand for. True Love does not conquer all.
She loves Gold. He loves her. But it’s not enough when he continues to lie to
her, continues to be so untrustworthy and will just break her heart again and
again. She would rather remain asleep – and protect her unborn child from him –
than wake up and expose them both to Rumple
Which means she passes Morpheus’s test! He is willing to
wake her up because he now knows Belle isn’t going to fall for Rumple’s
shenanigans again. And why is he so invested? Becasuse he’s not Morpheus – he’s
Belle’s unborn child also caught by the dreaming sand…
…and apparently as intelligent and comprehending of his
parents’ relationship history as a fully grown adult? Ooookay? Is no-one going
to talk about this?
Of course not: ok Gold is a little more focused that bow
his second son has also lost complete and utter faith in him as well which is
more than a little devastating to him.
Morpheus wakes Belle and they go home - but not home with
Gold.
