It’s time for another episode of Zoo, so what ridiculousness do we get this week?
The gang heads over to a country. This is apparently
England. Apparently. Despite having a church that looks very un-English, wooden
houses that are pretty rare in England, a whole load of animals that don’t live
in England, hordes of Cicadas which is pretty good for a species that is nearly
extinct in England and some accents that most certainly do not come from
England. Ye gods.
So why is the gang there?
Well using various amounts of brain twisting desperate
explanation and trying desperately to get the writers to lay off the LSD for 5
minutes – just 5 minutes – we have the following incoherent explanation for the
animals running amok:
“So you’re
saying that some traveling carnie grifter from the 1890s inadvertently invented
the triple helix?”
No, really. Some 1890s travelling show man with Ye Olde
Mutant X-Ray machine took X-rays of creatures around the world, creating the
triple helix. These creatures’ descendants then became the raging
triple-helixed mutant animals
This means:
A) Apparently
a majority of all the animals in the world are descended from creatures this
guy X-rayed. In the 1890s. I mean how did he even travel that far?! And he must
have X-rayed literally thousands of creatures of the same species for this
level of dominance. You’d think he’d have got bored after the first 100
B) He
X-Rayed a gazillion jellyfish. Even leaving aside the logistic of X-raying one
of these, not hurting it and putting it back, why would you even bother? It’s a
jellyfish. It’s transparent. I can’t think of a more pointless activity
C) X-Rays.
The Triple Helix was caused by X-Rays
That sound you heard was a million scientists crying out
in pain.
Or it could be the sound everyone made when Allison started flirting with her step-son Mitch.
So they’re going to this guy’s old home in the hope he’s
kept a convenient list of the thousands of animals he’s pointlessly X-rayed so
they can Pokemon the lot of them and find a cure. Yay
Except Reiden got there first and has totally stolen everything
except the shit this long dead Carny decided to bury in hi non-existant brother’s
fake grave because where else are you going to store shit? See, before Ikea when
you ran out of shelf-space you really had no option but to invent a sibling,
pretend they died and then dig out a burial plot. Obviously.
Reiden has stole this because reasons, I’m sure. Can
someone remind me again WHY Reiden is so against saving the world? And no “evil”
is not a motivation.
Anyway, while they’re all doing that Jackson loses touch
with reality, starts digging a grave himself (ah, must have something to
store!) and babbling gobbldegook. Seeing his companion having a psychotic break
and unable to communicate rationally Mitch blames this on Jackson
overhearing his step-mother flirting with him
Mitch decides to treat this by inducing some
hallucinations with experimental mind altering drugs!
Remind me again why everyone last episode thought he was
such a brilliant doctor
This leads to a merry trip down memory lane where we
learn that Jackson’s dad was an arsehole, he liked using Mnemonics to teach
things and that Jackson burned down his dad’s lab and life’s work. In response
his dad decided to inject him with the triple-helix which is why Jackson’s all
mutated today.
I like to think that Jackson also smashed his dad’s “world’s
best dad” mug – or that’s pending since Abraham just learned that Professor Oz,
senior, is still alive. He thinks it’s a good idea not to tell Jackson. So do
I.
Dariela gets some rapidly stuck on character development
about not wanting to be a soldier and all about death so decides to leave the
gang to stay behind and protect civilians with terrible accents against animal
attacks. Kind of like a soldier. I hope this isn’t writing her out.
Logan turns out to be an evil spy working for Logan and
this may be the one plot line I actually like – because the gang totally
deserves this. I mean, we were introduced to Logan as a thief and liar willing
to screw people over for money, Jamie decides he’s hot (which, granted, he is)
and he chopped her toe off due to frostbite (I’m told this is a common mating
ritual in Canada) and suddenly he’s trustworthy? Really Really Really? Yes I’m
GLAD this bullshit is coming back to bite them in the arse
Oh and Jamie has taken to being mopier than a Livejournal
Poet
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| Pictured: Jamie |
