Forever, Season 1, Episode 18: Dead Men Tell Long Tales

I don’t know what it is with Forever’s scheduling, it’s so random it could be on Fox. If it gets any worse it could be called Firefly (I’m not bitter)

Amusingly, a sailor tells his crew to be quiet about the treasure they’ve just found – conveniently expositioning that they’d found treasure. The guy gets stabbed, probably for being too gabby while telling everyone to keep shtum.

Time to catch up with Abe and Henry snaking over Henry’s many stories and how Abe can quote them back to him. Jo drops in to take him to the murder because apparently dead bodies aren’t urgent enough to warrant using the phone.

The dead man is Rick, he has been killed with a harpoon and everyone is delightfully snarky. The autopsy not only confirms that being impaled with a harpoon is deadly, but also that Rick has been diving lately and since his job is to salvage wrecks, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he was doing. They also find that he found gold which means Lucas now simply has to do a pirate impression. I can sympathise, so would I.

To his warehouse - and of course Henry goes with them, crime dramas never confine pathologists to the morgue or doing their job (it could be worse, he could be Nikki Alexander). They find the latest artefacts Rick has salvaged – it’s from the slave ship that Henry was on when he first died.

Henry goes back to Abe, shaken, in part because the ship was found far from where it should be. And after previously talking about all of the stories Henry has told, Abe pokes him about keeping this one, his first death, so quiet. Henry’s secrecy is because the ship was owned by his family. Flashback time, in which Henry tried to help the slaves escape and take over the ship.

He failed, of course, and this causes him considerable guilt weasels, especially since the ship went down and everyone on board died. He also considers himself cursed – despite his general disbelief in woo-woo, except his own immortality.

To Rick’s memorial at the bar where Henry’s genius identifies 2 guys who were on Rick’s ship and his bothering the bartender highlights her as suspicious as well. Time for arrest and questioning where they learn that only Rick knew where the gold was hidden. Henry is part of the questioning and he is far more focused in the condition of the ship and how it sunk than he is in learning about Rick’s murder. Lt. Reece quickly calls shenanigans and sidelines Henry.

Forbidden from the investigation, Henry and Abe break in to Rick’s warehouse. Of course they do. There they find the shot body of the slave Henry tried to rescue before someone else breaks in and starts causing a bit of havoc around the place. Of course Henry intervenes which is foolish because, naturally, Jo and Hanson are watching the warehouse. Everyone who broke into the warehouse is arrested

Including Henry and Abe. Or they would have been if Jo hadn’t covered for them – though she wants an explanation and she isn’t buying the fact his obsession is linked to the murder. His excuse is pretty flimsy and Jo gently pokes him to get his head back in the game and on the case.

They question the other guy who broke in, George,he’s an old friend of Rick’s who was cut out of finding the ship because he objected to trying after they lost a diver on their first attempt (the ship, the Empress of Africa, was too deep). They also learn that Rick had a rich investor – because without one he wouldn’t have been able to reach such a deep sunk ship.

Henry keeps investigating the dead slave when he and Lucas realise that he had been buried in a coffin – which wasn’t the fate of dead slaves on a slave ship.

Cold Burn of Magic (Black Blade Series #1) by Jennifer Estep

Lila tries to stay under the radar in the magical town of Cloudburst Falls. Her mother’s death when she was caught between the feuding magical houses drove that lesson home long ago

Not that she keeps her hands clean – she’s a thief and a very very good one. She’s also very handy with a blade and more so with her powerful magic – but even then she needs to keep that quiet; powerful magic is another desirable trait the magical families will target her for.

But she can’t close her eyes when an attempted assassination happens in front of her – and finds herself inevitably drawn to the Sinclair Family – and in the sights of the powerful Draconi family.

Having read Jennifer Estep’s Elemental Assassin series and generally being a huge fan, I was eager to pick this one up.

What struck me was that this book is very similar to that series. In both cases we have a corrupt system largely controlled by supernatural organisations/families/houses/criminal enterprises that have little or no respect for the law which they pretty much own. We have lethal protagonist who have lost most of their family to the cruelty of this organisation (and are carrying around great bucket loads of angst because of it). They are dangerous, lethally skilled and have a super-special, super-rare woo-woo that makes them even more dangerous though they generally keep it hidden. They don’t play by the rules, are a rogue, even a criminal but have hearts of gold and have to do what’s right even if they know it’s not exactly sensible

There are a lot of parallels and the general style of writing made these two series seem very similar in so many ways

And that’s not a bad thing

No, really. I love the Elemental Assassin series, I’m not going to complain about another series that has a similar tone and brings many similar elements from a setting I love. That’d be like playing a game, loving it then not wanting to play any games that are similar. I loved the series, I will probably love any series that is similar to it.

Of course, that works so long as there are sufficient original elements to the new series – after all, “similar to” and “complete copy” are very different things. And this book does do that – the magic system is very different, the world setting with the monsters lurking in the corners is really fun with added little sinister darkness to the background. I like that the threat here doesn’t just come from the corrupt organisations, but lurking in the corners are the lethal monsters of legends ready to pounce on anyone who doesn’t know the old stories, the old fairy tales; it’s a nice creepy addition. The protagonist also approaches this corrupt world from a very different angle – working much more within the system and having a much more business-like approach rather than the family approach that characterises the Elemental Assassin Series

Supernatural, Season 10, Episode 16: Paint it Black

A man, Terry leaves church when something comes over him and he commits a rather unpleasant suicide with a candle stick. It was actually pretty unbloody for the traditional opening murder

The Winchesters are on the case of the candlestick-disembowelling suicide, apparently one of three – and Sam is distracted probably by the Mark of Cain. The only connection they find is that they’re all Catholic.

Nun intermission! Nuns and guy talk. Yes, that’s rather random

Time for the next victim – only with a twisty. This time the guy’s wife is possessed by a gaseous spirit when they leave church and she stabs him in the stomach rather than him committing suicide. The Winchesters go to the church to question the priest and establish that all of the dead have recently gone to confession though not what they confessed because of that whole confidentiality thing. Instead one of the guy-talk nuns, Sister Matthias, acts as tour guide. She has the gossip about the latest victim cheating on his wife and some insight on why she became a nun – because life was bad and she needed a change (somewhat simplified) which resonates with Mark of Cain bound Dean. Or maybe because she’s pretty and he’s Dean. Yes Dean is interested in the “hot nun”

Brief run down of the case has Dean deciding that all the men have, in some ways, wronged the women in their lives which links to them all going to confession. So Dean goes to confession...  he doesn’t exactly take it all that seriously, though the call to soul searching gets through to Dean and he opens up about a teeny tiny fraction of his vast, eternal angst. He touches on his constant expectation of death, how that has become very real rather than an abstract and how, facing that death, he wishes he had lived differently, experienced things differently. Dean also says he believes in a god – but he doesn’t think god believes in them

Back to Sister Matthias talking guys with an Italian nun, Isabella – the guy in question being a great artist called Pierro who she posed for. In 1520. She became so mopey over the guy not living her back that her dad threw her in a convent which seems like an overly harsh (and, of course, partriarchal) response even if unrequited love angst is so very very annoying.

As Dean leaves confession, a ghostly Isabella appears outside – looking like the same gassy ghost that killed the others. She doesn’t go for Dean – she goes for the priest. Sister Matthias finds Isabella’s old journal which describes leaving the nunnery to find Pierro – and find him having sex with a woman. She stabs him repeatedly.

Deadline's Bizarre Idea that Racial Inclusion is Going Too Far

Recently Nellie Andreeva for Deadline posted a much criticised (and rightly so) article about the number of new pilots with “ethnic” casting this year. Unlike us, the writer does not celebrate this minimal increase in representation- in fact she frets and worries at the direction the media is going. Clearly this small increase in the amount of melanin is just going too far.

This piece does seem to be an extremely pertinent example of the power of the societal default. As a society, we see certain people - inevitably the most privileged people (white, straight, cis, able-bodied men) - as the default; the basic human being. There are many things that come with being the societal default, but among them is the ability not to be noticed. Describing someone as, for example, white is often seen as necessary as describing people as not having tattoos. We see this in many books we read where POC are described by race but White people are not because if race is not described we assume the character is white just as, if we do not describe someone as having tattoos we assume they don’t have any

So when we look at statistics that point to a network having only an 18% POC cast, too often we don’t see this and think “82% of the cast on this network is White”, we see this and think “82% of the cast on this network is NORMAL and 18% is OTHER”. That is the power of the societal default, of being considered the basic human being. This applies across minorities and even across marginalisations - we see similar issues that Geena Davis pointed out with the depiction of women: where men perceive a room to be 50% women when it’s actually only 17%, and to contain a majority of women when it actually only has 33%. We notice the “Other”, we do not take note of the default because we expect them to be there and they do not have to justify their presence.

It is why we still get an enormous amount of people demanding justifications or reasons why a character is a POC - or any marginalised group - because you can’t just include the Other, you have to have a REASON.

Or, to put it another way, people act like having an 18% POC cast is as ridiculous as having a network with an 18% elvish cast. Sure they could picture one or two programmes with elves, but they find it really weird when nearly 20% of the network’s characters have pointy ears. If we accepted POC - or any minority - as human beings on the same level as white people then the whole idea of them making up a mere 20% would not be seen as odd or out of place.

This is how a pretty small number of POC characters are seen as an overwhelming wave that is driving out White characters - despite the fact you can turn on just about any channel at any time and still be assured of seeing many white faces - including on most of the protagonists and major roles. We do not see those White faces, they are covered by a veil of perceived normality that we still see as how things should be.

Which is also why I’m not crying any tears over the idea that there are POC “quotas” being “imposed” by big meanie networks that are denying skilled White actors their rightful jobs (with the added implication, of course, that white actors are inherently superior) because that is dwarfed by the huge number of POC actors who are struggling to find roles because of the assumed “quota” of white characters imposed on so many casting decisions - especially of main characters. The quota that will put Friends in a glaringly white New York, that will put Charmed in an extremely White and straight San Francisco and Atlantis in a white Ancient Greece. The quota that will have shows like Game of Thrones decide POC could only be minor occurring, exotic “others”. A network quota that means out of the 87 shows we’ve watched for Fangs, only 6 of them have NOT had a White protagonist or co-protagonist (and some of them are frankly dubious choices - like Z Nation) and virtually none of them are lacking significant White characters. Or a the quota that means Steven Yeun is struggling to find roles despite the success of the Walking Dead.Or the quota that made this year’s (and, frankly, most previous years) Academy Awards whiter than a Klan rally.

Blood Sense (Blood Destiny #3) by Connie Suttle

Despite the abuse she suffered at the hands of her vampire “family”, Lissa is quickly pressed back into service – her skills needed by Homeland security Agent, Tony to defend a series of politicians.

It’s soon clear that the terrorists threatening their lives are not conventional humans and more of Saxom’s

But Lissa is still being used as a tool – and is learning harsh lessons on betrayal from several angles.

Whatever potential this book has, though, is utterly shadowed by most of the men in Lissa’s life. They are terrible terrible people who all need eviscerating at her earliest convenience

I simply cannot understand Lissa’s relationship with any of the men around her, I just cannot. I cannot understand how she tolerates it, or regards any of these men with anything but contempt. Not one of the main male characters shows her even a crumb of respect, not one tiny iota of it. She is a tool to some, a sex object to others, but ultimately a thing to use as they will. They just dress it up in endearing, and often patronising, words.

This book opens with her being driven to suicide by her treatment in the last book – after being kept in the dark she acts how she thinks is best, ends up saving people and is then brutally beaten, stripped and humiliated for her disobedience. I said in my review of the last book that whether this book was a trainwreck or not would depend on how she reacts after she is saved from her attempted suicide in the last book

All aboard the next train to wrecksvile!

Yes, she spends a long time healing and a much much much shorter time nursing any kind of grudge against her tormentors. She quickly focuses most of her ire on one vampire (who is conveniently revealed to be a bad guy in the b plot) and pretty much absolves everyone else after a few snipping remarks. Just to make it extra galling, the vampires put her angry reaction down to her being a woman (because weak and feeble woman can’t take her beatings like a man!) and her being traumatised by an abusive childhood – and yes, it would definitely be triggering to her – but there doesn’t need to be a special REASON why Lissa objects to being used as a weapon then beaten because she isn’t slavishly obedient. She has enough reason! Her outrage is not due to her fragility because of her gender or her childhood. Her outrage is justified and self-explanatory! This ends up casting their actions as “reasonable” and their failure only in not taking into account her extra specially delicate she is.

So Merril continues to be looked upon as the doting, kindly father figure (Lissa has a brief moment of excellence when she calls him out for treating her like a child and a weapon- insisting that she can’t possibly be both and how his use of her as a tool blatantly put the lie to his paternalistic affection). And Gavin is her loving spouse despite, quite literally, the only thing he does in this book is call her and scream at her for daring to put herself in danger (her wilful danger-seeking would be following the orders of people she has been told to obey – after just being beaten for disobedience) until she’s near tears.

IZombie, Season 1, Episode 2: Brother Can You Spare a Brain?

Javier missed dinner without calling, which is so rude – but then he does have a good excuse after being stabbed through the eye with a paintbrush. Murderers are so inconsiderate when it comes to dinner plans.

Time for Liv, Ravi (who has heard of the artist) and Clive to be called in. Clive pokes for Liv to reveal any psychic visions much to her snark but he’s already decided that Javier’s wife is guilty. They make him back off by having to do gross messy things with the body. Liv also thinks the psychic lie is so going to come back to haunt her. Still, brain time!

At home things are still awkward as Major drops by with a lot of Liv’s things she’d left at his house and awkwardly mentions the many engagement gifts he also has if she wants (except the panini press which be used, broke and rebought and that line alone means I may forever love him in all his adorkableness) and it’s all so awkward and sad and kind of sweet but mainly awkward and sad. Peyton is a witness to the awkwardness and puts in an order for a juice press and adds some wise words about Liv pining afterwards

Liv also continues having nightmares about the other zombie who started the mess at the boat party. She still can’t find any clues about him, but then her research is limited to Instagram

But moping about how she daren’t have sex without risking zombiedom (hence not wanting Major around) leads to a sex, illicit flashback from Javier who was having an affair. In recounting the vision to Clive it’s fairly clear that while Liv fears to have sex, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss it. This leads to lots of snark and Clive even more convinced Javier’s wife, Lola, is guilty.

They go to interview her and find her being comforted by the woman from Liv’s vision. She’s Tasha and Lola introduces her as Javier’s lover – well that kind of scuppers the adultery motive. They interview Lola while Liv is completely entranced by Tasha in an extremely unsubtle and highly sexual way and Clive certainly notices while still being highly doubtful over Lola and Javier’s open marriage.

Clive still insists that Lola is guilty until Ravi sends the information that the killer was over 6 foot. Lola is not over 6 foot. Liv, naturally snarks, because everyone on this show gives great snark.

However, Artie, friend and agent of Javier, is pretty clearly crushing hard on Lola but is not on board with the whole open marriage thing (he assumes Lola is monogamous and Javier was just a terrible husband). He’s also 6’ 2”

Ravi has found a police sketch artist to help Liv describe the zombie guy – but artist Javier’s personality is oozing all over Liv and her descriptions are flowery but not that practical. Ravi is, of course, amused. Thankfully that flowery language comes with enough artistic skill for her to do her own sketch – and go home and surprise Peyton with criticism of their flat’s awful painting. She is completely loving Javier’s passionate adoration of beauty, though

Cover Review: 16th March to 20th March

Ash by Malinda Lo

I really like this cover. It’s so powerfully haunting – could there be a better depiction of utter loneliness, of someone being so completely lost as we see here? I think, especially with the stark, minimalist title, it’s a very powerful cover.

But possibly darker than the actual book turned out

  

Vampire, Interrupted (Argeneau #9) by Lynsay Sands

I am not a fan of the covers in this series. They seem to be very generic romance covers that depict their supernatural elements via tattoos. This makes me think far less about vampires, it makes me think Batwoman is getting married.

Yes I do keep thinking bat-family on these covers

The Originals, Season Two, Episode Sixteen: Save My Soul

In the Kingdom of Norway 977 A.D. Little Freya watches as Dahlia creates a potion.  Dahlia informs Freya that her mother didn't want her and she is Freya's only family.  In the present Freya receives an invitation to join her brothers for brunch.

Rebekah wakes from a dream filled with flashbacks to the things Eva Sinclair has done.  A crowd has gathered outside and Marcel instructs her to stay away from the window so he can handle the situation.  Marcel heads outside and threatens the witches, saying that they need to back up. Josephine informs Marcel that he is harbouring a renegade witch.  Rebekah, who never follows orders, comes outside and declares her identity.  Josephine then reveals that two of their children were attacked last night and that all signs lead to Eva.  Josephine gives the order for Eva/Rebekah to be taken into custody but Elijah arrives, reminding Josephine of their agreement, promising to find out who is really responsible. Josephine is not easily scared and warns Elijah that he has until tomorrow.

Later, Elijah arrives at Klaus's for the brunch and is informed that Hayley and the wolves have been sent away for the day. Elijah warns Klaus that they may need Freya's help and therefore he should be careful how he deals with her.  Freya enters and is greeted with smiles.

Marcel goes to see Vincent who reports that he cannot do magic.  Vincent throws down the gauntlet by reminding Marcel that because he is from the Treme, the witches are much tougher than those Marcel is used to dealing with.  Vincent learns that he missed 9 months of his life when Marcel hands him a newspaper and explains what Finn did. Marcel asks about Eva and Vincent declares that he si done talking.

Rebekah has gone to see Davina to find out if Davina can help her figure out what is going on.  Davina however is frustrated, having spent hours looking for a way to resurrect Kol without Rebekah's help.  Rebekah however points out that until this is settled, there's nothing she can do.  Rebekah has guessed that Eva has awoken, is angry, and is taking possession of her body.  Davina consents to help Rebekah.

At Klaus's, Elijah is not in the mood for chit chat and demands to learn more about Dahlia.  Freya says that Dahlia is the most powerful witch she has ever seen but is limited to one year of life in a century.  It seems that Dahlia's goal is immortality without restrictions and this is why Hope is so appealing to Dahlia.  Freya feels that she will never be free and her only chance to escape is to align with her brothers and kill Dahlia. 

Flashback to Freya as a child, performing a spell with Dahlia.  We  are told that Dahlia killed off an entire encampment when she was accused of witchcraft.  Since then, Dahlia has only grown stronger.

Elijah gets a call and excuses himself. It's Rebekah who says that she is on her way.  Before Rebekah can take two steps, she has an attack and collapses to the ground.

Lucky Break (Chicagoland Vampires #10.5) by Chloe Neill

I have a vain hope. My hope is that, if I stare at this page long enough, inspiration will strike and I will actually think of something relevant or useful to say about this book

My hope may be a vain one

It’s a short story and it’s a short story in a long established series. Ethan and Merit decide to go have a nice relaxing holiday in some cabin in the middle of nowhere and happen to get themselves in a great big feud and have to sort it out.

There’s nothing exactly wrong with it. In terms of plot, pacing, character development or anything else on that level. Ok, there is some problems about how convoluted it is; the way the book ended is ridiculously convenient and immensely implausible, for example. And I don’t even buy the idea that Ethan and Merit would WANT a holiday into the middle of nowhere. Merit is a very urban person – I don’t think she could even survive that far away from at least 4 kinds of junk food within easy reach. Or Ethan who is so desperately refined and loves his fancy things? Honestly, I think a cabin, no matter how shiny, in the middle of nowhere is pretty much both characters’ definition of utter hell

That aside, there is nothing wrong with it. It was amusing, it was somewhat interesting, it was well written, decently paced and generally an easy, happy read. Not amazing but decent.

But I do think it missed the potential to be more. It’s book 10.5 in an 11 book series and it directly involved the protagonist of this 11 book series. So what does it add to this series? What does it develop? What elements does it bring to this series? And I’m not sure it does – I can’t point to any new revelations, new angles, new concepts or new developments or any new anything that enriches the overall series.

I think there could have been. This is, after all, the first book after Ethan becomes head of the new American Vampire government. This could have been an excellent way to touch on what that authority means, what respect he is due and what vampires outside of Chicago actually owe their new overlord. Or possible overlord?

Or maybe even an exploration of clans – the idea of groups of vampires that are technically rogue but not solitary. This could have been something else to touch on in some detail as foreshadowing a new concept.

The Returned, Season 1, Episode 3: Julie

Hallowe’en, 7 years ago and a woman in fancy dress – Julie – leaves a party to be delayed by police woman Nikki who delays her with a kiss and an invitation. Alas, Julie has to work. Some people are too damn sensible for their own good

Julie walks down the ominous tunnel of ominousness (honestly, no force on this Earth would convince me to walk through this tunnel. If it were lined with teeth and pulsing in a disturbingly fleshy way it’d STILL be less ominous). As we learned from last week’s flashback, she’s attacked by a man in a hoodie with a knife.

To the present and the funeral of the old man who threw himself off the dam with the pastor almost angrily rejecting anyone judging him for that. We learn that the dead man’s wife died 29 years ago while Julie and Nikki practice not!looking at each other over the coffin. Some distance away a very young looking Returned Wife Helen looks on.

As the funeral breaks up Claire and Lena tell Peter that Camille isn’t the only Returned running around preparing to nom on some tasty brains (like my snark will be any less cutting than Lena’s). Julie’s nosy neighbour also hunts down the obviously uninterested Julie to tell her about Lucy being attacked and comparing it to Julie’s previous attack – not realising Julie was the victim. Julie, understandably, panics and leaves; watched by Nikki. I’d say someone should murder the neighbour but she’d just return

Next new character- a guy knocks on a house door calling for his mother and when she doesn’t answer he breaks in. Really, obviously Returned Guy? She could have gone to the shops or something! If she has she’s been gone a while because the house looks pretty boarded up

Later, Tony the bar tender arrives at the cabin and finds a dead wolf hanging from the rafters. Ok, I can think of many decorating choices that could have definitely improved that place. Dead canines were not among them. Tony agrees and decides to bury it – much to the disapproval of Returned Guy. Tony hits him in the head with a shovel. He’s just that passionate about interior decorating. Tony then locks himself inside the cabin

Returned guy isn’t dead (well… he IS, but…) and thinks that a shovel to the head was kind of unnecessary and decides to return the favour – and up the sakes with a gun. They now get to talk – Tony revealing that their mother (yes, they’re brothers – family dinners must be fun and full of concussions) died 2 years ago which is pretty much what he thought his brother was too

The Last Man on Earth, Season One, Episode Six: Some Friggin' Fat Dude

Melissa rushes forward and introduces herself and Phil to Todd.  Todd admits that he was set to leave the area when he saw Phil's fireworks.  Phil gets on a look on his face as though he is mentally kicking himself in the ass.  Todd asks if he was interrupting anything but Melissa assures Todd that everything is okay.  Phil of course has to pull Melissa away to remind her that they were supposed to be having sex but Melissa is more interested in the fact that another person has shown up.  Honestly, between Carol and Phil, who could blame her?

Throughout this time, Carol has been doing laundry.  Phil enters and Carol thanks him for being quick.  Phil admits that nothing happened and of course, Carol jumps to the conclusion that Phil has diarrhea. What the hell is with the constant conversation about bowel movements?  Are the writers 12?  Phil makes the announcement about Todd,  who he describes as some fat dude.  Let the fat shaming begin.  Carol sees this as momentous because Todd's arrival means that Phil and Melissa won't have to have sex with each other.  Phil gets wrong and strong and says that they cannot force Melissa to have sex with some stranger.

Carol decides that she has to meet Todd and since all of her clothes are wet, Carol puts on her wedding dress.  The survivors sit around the campfire having a drink and it's clear that Melissa and Todd have a lot in common.  Phil tries to play cock blocker to Todd and of course makes an ass of himself pretending to have seen Shawshank Redemption. When there is a lull in the conversation, Phil of course has to bring up Todd's weight.  Todd talks about dealing with growing up as a fat kid and how terribly he was teased. Melissa is quick to point out that all of those people who were mean to Todd are dead now.  Even Phil is moved enough to tell Todd that those people won't hurt him anymore. 

Todd then excuses himself to get some sleep and of course, Phil then pretends that he had a weight problem in highschool to try and gain sympathy.  When Melissa excuses herself, Carol points out that there were sparks between Melissa and Todd.

The next day, Carol reveals her plan to Phil, to set Melissa and Todd up on a date.  Phil unsurprisingly is convinced that Melissa would never go for Todd because Melissa is beautiful, smart and kind and Todd is Todd (implication here FAT)

Phil knocks on Melissa's door to talk about Shawshank.  Phil does the worst Morgan Freeman impersonation ever, quoting a line from the movie to prove that he has seen it. Phil then tries to pretend that he was only joking last night when he said that Tom Hanks was in the movie.  Phil segues in a less than cool fashion into re-population, only to be told that now is not the time by Melissa.

Carol initiates her plan to set up Todd and Melissa. Carol actually fakes vomiting and tells Melissa and Todd to go ahead without her.  Phil enters the room and Melissa and Carol suggest that he should stay behind. 

Melissa and Todd go go-cart racing and Phil spends his time spying on them.  As Todd and Melissa play golf, Phil rambles off to himself that Todd is in the "friend zone."  Todd and Melissa continue to have a good time, as Phil plays creepy stalker dude in fear that Melissa is falling for Todd.

Later, Carol informs Phil that Melissa and Todd are going on another date tomorrow.  Phil is not impressed with Carol pushing Todd and Melissa together but as it turns out, it was Melissa who asked Todd out on a second date.  Phil then suggests a double date to support their relationship. 

Later, the four set up to play tennis and of course Phil decides to suggest that they play shirts and skins in an effort embarrass Todd.  Melissa notices a scar on Todd which of course Phil has to suggest comes from over eating.  Todd however explains that he donated one of his kidneys to his foster brother. Todd starts to tell the story of how he came to donate his kidney, as Phil tries to distract everyone with tennis.  Todd gets so emotional he has to excuse himself for a moment and is quickly followed by Melissa.  Phil decides to follow Todd and Melissa and comes across the two of them kissing.  Carol however believes that Phil did the shirts and skins routine to push Todd and Melissa together.

Later, Phil the creepy knocks on Melissa's door and snarks about Todd being a big ole' breathe of fresh air.  Phil then goes on to say that in the old world, all his friends were I fucking kid you not "fats"  Of course "fats" pump up there stats and lie, making it hard to trust "fats".  Melissa rightfully shuts the door in Phil's face calling him an ass.  Phil knocks on the door and apologises saying that because he was alone for so long, he has forgotten how to interact with people.  Melissa opens the door and asks if Phil really talks to sports balls. 

Phil takes Melissa to meet his sports ball friends.  Melissa asks Phil what his favorite movie is and he finally admits that it's The Godfather.  Melissa asks Phil to be honest with her. Phil tells Melissa that she was the one he was waiting for her and that she took his breathe away.  Phil adds that he is falling in love with Melissa and asks her if there's any chance she could feel that way about him.  Melissa says no, so Phil lies and says that he was going to say all of that stuff to Carol.

Okay, the manchild has actively become a character I hate now.  Watching him stalk Todd and Melissa this episode just made him super creepy and gross.  There there's the fat shaming that he engaged in for the entire episode.  This is a new low for the writers but on par with what I expected the minute Todd got out of the car.

Part of what made the fat shaming so horrible is that it was meant to make me laugh.  I didn't find any of it remotely funny and instead I found it to be outright cruel.  I wonder how  Mel Rodriguez felt when he reached the shirts and skins section of the script?  Shirts and skins wasn't even necessary to the game and it could have been triggering for fat males who found themselves in the same or similar situations growing up. 

Just like the other characters, Todd is a trope.  Todd is the happy fat guy who smiles through his pain that we are all meant to feel sorry for.  Todd is someone to be pitied. 

It's worth noting that with the arrival of Todd, we also for the first time have a survivor who is not white.  Given that they used up their quota of fat jokes this week, I wonder if they will move onto race jokes next week?  Yes, I expect the writers of this God awful show to sink this low.

Why oh why did I trade off Salem with Sparky for this show.  It may only be 30 minutes long but it's torture.

The Last Man on Earth, Season One, Episode Five: Dunk the Skunk

Todd pulls up in a sports car and stops in front a sign which reads alive in Tuscon.  It looks like Phil is going to loose his title as last man on earth.

Carol has latched onto Phil by the campfire as she tells Melissa that they are going to be BFF's.  The moment Carol leaves to get another bottle of wine, the conversation quickly switches to Melissa's declaration that she is horny.  Melissa is concerned with Carol getting the wrong idea and tells Phil that she really respects him for trying to make his marriage work. Besides, Melissa was cheated on once and now she hates lechers.  Carol returns with the drinks and then drags Phil off for sex.  Alone, Phil asks Carol to tone it down to spare Melissa's feelings and even wonders if they are rushing into having a children.  Carol however believes that they need to make babies for the human race to survive.

The next day, Phil heads to his ball collection to plot and scheme.  Of course he has logically worked out that for re-population to work, he needs to impregnate Melissa as well. Phil is a really winner isn't he?  He cannot even admit to himself that he is creating any reasonable possible to get into Melissa pants.  It's further telling that though he sees Carol as a massive cock block, he is unwilling to stop sleeping with her either. These are genes the human population totally needs to see passed on.

Cue Phil's creepy visit to Melissa's to sell his big plan for re-population.  He then turns around to show Melissa his ass, asking if his pants look okay on him.  It seems to me that Phil should be happy that there are only two women left because otherwise, he would most certainly be single.  Honestly, were his social skills always this bad?

Phil then starts to fake cry and goes to see Carol.  Carol being Carol, starts to soothe Phil.  The acting in this scene is so horrendous it was difficult not to change the channel.  Phil then points out to Carol that if she wants to avoid her children having to participate in incest to populate the human race that he will have to have sex with Melissa.  Carol's look at this point is a touch priceless. 

Phil makes the puppy dog face and explains that while he doesn't want to have sex with Melissa, he has to have sex with Melissa.  Phil then throws out the incest card again and Carol admits that she needs to think about this.  Was any of this supposed to be funny?  An argument quickly erupts when Phil mentions that Melissa agrees with his position, causing Carol to call him a skunk.

Later a pissed off Melissa knocks on the door after being told off by Carol.  Phil tries to play ignorant but Melissa sees right through him and makes it clear that Phil was the one who chose to marry Carol.  Melissa says that Carol was her one chance of having a girlfriend and though Phil apologises, Carol walks off angry.

That night, Phil decides to hold a dunk the skunk event, telling the women  that they cannot stay mad at him forever because he is the last man on earth.  What Phil doesn't know is that with each passing second, Todd gets closer to their location. Of course the dunk tank Phil chose is defective and each time he sits on the bench, he ends up in the tank. Yeah, I know I am supposed to be laughing at this but it's moronic at best. 

Both women ignore Phil and Melissa heads over to Carol's with a bottle of wine.  The two women head inside and reconcile, totally stunning the clueless Phil. Mercifully Phil gets out of the dunk tank and the cheap gimmick is over. Melissa and Carol finally agree to talk to Phil and they inform him that they have decided he should re-populate with both women.  Phil is then informed that he can only have sex with Melissa three days per month, three times a day until she gets pregnant.

The next morning, Carol arrives and informs Phil that today is the day he is to have sex with Melissa. Phil has actually showered for the occasion and put on a suit.  Carol actually checks to ensure that Phil has washed his genitals. 

Later, Phil escorts Melissa to the romantic setting that he has created for her. Melissa however wants to cut the B.S. and just do it.  Phil however wants to make the night special and so he grabs his guitar. He plays two notes and for each note, a firecracker goes off. The firecracker works as a beacon and leads Todd directly to their location.

Todd gets out of his car with a big smile on his face.

Is it me or was that an exceedingly long half hour?  It's episode five and I don't like a single character so far.  This has got to be the worst dystopian setting I have ever had the displeasure to view.

The writing is absolutely puerile and Phil's man child routine was tiresome in episode one.   If that were not enough, Will Forte's acting is easily the worst of the cast. Just yuck. Also, his attempt to manipulate Melissa into bed isn't funny; it's predatory.  It's further worth noting that as much as Carol gets on Phil's nerves, he's also not willing to stop sleeping with her as well.  Basically, Phil feels like the cock in the chicken coop makes him a hot commodity.

I did like Melissa and Carol coming together for a time and choosing each other over Phil, as any sensible woman would do.  The problem however is that neither of these two women have been developed.  Melissa is the sex object and Carol is the eternal cock blocker.  They are little more than walking tropes.

This was much more fun when sparky was the one being tortured by this show.

Dark Deceit (Dark #1) by Lauren Dawes

Bryn is a Valkyrie, leader of her sisters especially now they had broken away from Odin. But despite the rift, she is the key to Odin’s immortality

And Loki is loose – and looking for vengeance

Korvain also hunts Bryn, seeking to bring down Odin in revenge for his lost people and at the commands of his clan leader – but shortly after meeting Brynn his resolve crumbles and he soon finds himself in the role of protector, not assassin.

I have to say I hate the way that women are depicted in this book. All of them. Now, there are possibly some women in this book who I may have appreciated if they were separate, but collectively it’s just one mass of badness

Most of them are victims. And not just victims, but pretty much helpless victims. Frigg, powerful goddess, is thoroughly demonised before becoming a victim; we never see one scrap, one iota of power or capability from her. The Valkyries – VALKYRIES! Warrior women, dressed in mail with blood stained weapons – exist to be a collection of damsels to be saved. We never see any real fight or power from them – they’re just hunted down one by one, put up no fight and are easily brought down. The whole book revolves around rescuing and protecting these utterly helpless figures.

Even their leader and our supposed protagonist, Bryn, is an immensely frustrating figure. She never actually does anything. She constantly talks a good game but we never see her fight or actually show any toughness or even make a good decision. Or make a decision at all. When her sisters are targeted she has a tantrum, falls apart and asks a man to go check on them. She doesn’t even all them and ask them all to gather up – she sends a man round to help. Her one and only attempted plan is to sacrifice herself and hope that Loki, the big bad, doesn’t hurt anyone else and can be trusted

Her master plan is to trust Loki. No, really.

At least there’s a big strong man to rescue her!

As well as victimisation there’s some severely dubious sexual issues going on here. Firstly the Valkyries are all virgins – thousand year old virgins by the command of Odin. This could have been used to present Odin’s oppressive patriarchy- but no-one treats his demand as unreasonable, only his harsh punishment of Kara, a Valkyrie who broke it – as wrong. The other Valkyries MAINTAIN their virginity after they have left his side. On top of this Kara, that one Valykrie who broke the taboo, is continually sex shamed, throws herself relentlessly at Korvain and is generally cringe worthy in her utter desperation to get laid. This is also the totality of her character. And Frigg, villainous lady that she is, is of course an adulteress who tries to seduce, well, every man she sees and, again, is lacking anything else in terms of characterisation – she hates Odin (because she’s jealous of the oh-so-chaste valykries) and wants to have sex with any and all men. She is slut shamed pretty horrendously for this including the line:

“She was the one who ushered people in between her legs like it was a movie theatre about to close its doors for the screening”

Demonised or pitiable sexual woman cast against virginal protagonists of purity? That’s a trope

Then there’s Taer, the sister of Korvain’s best friend. Why does she exist? To have a crush on Korvain (like all women everywhere it seems) and to be extra angst and leverage as bad guys force menfolk’s co-operation by threatening her with rape and murder. That’s pretty much the entire point of her.

Once Upon a Time, Season 4, Episode 16: Poor Unfortunate Soul

Flashback scene, back when Killian was Captain Hook and having to placate the evil Pan to allow their presence in Neverland. They hear a beautiful siren song that draws them in – towards rocks, as siren songs are wont to. They do manage to avoid the mermaid’s wrath which Killian terms the most dangerous creature in the seas

Cut to the mermaid, a young Ursula, arguing with her dad, King of the sea because she’d rather not kill people with her beautiful voice and her mother wouldn’t have approved. That mother doesn’t have a chance to make her own opinions clear because she’s been murdered and daddy is on a full vengeance kick against all things human. Daddy hits back with a twist on the age old parental rule “so long as you live in my ocean, you live by my rules.”

So she breaks into his vault and steals a bracelet that lets her walk on land so she can sing in taverns and explain all this to Killian over a drink. After bonding over history and her voice he agrees to give her a lift to where she wants to go

To try and stop this, the Sea King enchants a sea shell to take away Ursula’s singing voice, removing her motive for leaving and gives it to Hook to use on her – something Killian agrees to do in exchange for squid ink which is powerful enough even to paralyse the Dark One.

                                             

Killian adamantly refuses to do that to Ursula – but does ask her to break into her dad’s vault to steal squid ink which works – until the Sea King hears about it and magically vanishes it. And, no, a pirate isn’t really the match of a water deity. Unable to strike him, in petty spite and revenge, Killian steals Ursula’s voice.

Bitterly furious, Ursula recognises she lost her voice because her father was determined to “protect her” and keep her as his helpless daughter – so she transforms herself into Ursula the Sea witch, a being so powerful she never needs to be protected – only to be feared.

To the present and Ursula still has her love of operatic voices before the villains get to torturing August- or avoiding torturing because Regina knows what August fears the most so can get him to talk without all the messy agonising pain and stains on the upholstery. August refers to the Mystic called Terrible Asian Stereotype The Dragon in Hong Kong who was also interested in the Author (you may not remember this as it was before the terribleness that was Neverneveragain Land and the Let-Frozen-Go-Fanfic. In fact everyone go out and treat yourselves right now with Regina and Maleficent’s wardrobes for surviving this long and sticking with it) and August has all his research (because actually seeing the Dragon may involve an actual Asian character). Rumple and the villains go ahead with the rest of the plan – which makes it clear that Regina still isn’t fully trusted.

Regina does use magic to possess Mary Margaret to give a quick update to the Charmings and their pirate mascot (thereby making Mary Margaret 1000 times more awesome in 10 seconds). Including that Rumple is back

To Belle for the dagger! Except she doesn’t have it because she gave it to Fake!Killian because she’s oddly foolish for such a smart woman. Thankfully Emma is here to point out the bleeding obvious. Hilariously Belle laments that she didn’t think Rumple could deceive her any more. Well it’s not like she made it all that hard. Perhaps if she’s worried about being deceived she shouldn’t hand out powerful magic items to pirates.

Killian decides they’ll find out the master plan by him convincing Ursula – by returning her “happy ending” since he was the one who took it in the first place.

He uses a conch shell to call her and she leaves to meet him – though still isn’t his biggest fan. He offers to return whatever shiny thing he has of her’s in exchange for Rumple’s plans. It’s on his ship – which is in the Enchanted Forest. Of course, mermaids can open portals underwater (we’ve seen Ariel do it before) and we get more poking of Killian being the one who changed Ursula. She does still have the power and brings the Jolly Roger to Storybrooke – as a tiny ship in a bottle.

The Walking Dead, Season Five, Episode Fifteen: Try

Deanna, holds Aidan's zombie killing cd lovingly and then places it in the cd player.  Reg listens thoughtfully.

Carol appears to be making a tuna casserole (does anyone really it this crap, even in a zombie apocalypse?).  When Carol looks up. Sam is looking at her through the window.

Sasha is in the guard tower and she watches through the scope as a zombie approaches the wall. For some reason, she seems to have difficulty taking the shot.

Finally, Reg cannot take the horrible music anymore and asks for it be turned off.

The zombie continues to make it's way toward the wall.

Deanna steps outside and find Carol's casserole with a note expressing sympathy for her loss.  Deanna reads the card and leaves the casserole on the front step.  Inside the house, Deanna burns the note. 

The zombie is now struggling to get inside Alexandria and Sasha finally shoots it in the head.

A zombie is making its way way through a field and is shot by Darryl.  Aaron note that there are more walkers around the area than there used to be.  Aaron wonders if there are any people around.

Deanna is watching the tape of Nicholas' testimony about what happened at the factory.  Nicholas of course lies to cover his ass.  In the meantime, Glenn is telling Rick about what a coward Nicholas was.  Nicholas explains away his exit from the revolving door, as Glenn tell Rick about watching Noah die.  Nicholas explicitly says that it was Rick's people who did this and is adamant that Rick's people need to go.  Deanna warns Nicholas that he doesn't know what she sees and that she sees a great deal.  Rick and Glenn talk about the problems with the Alexandrians and the problem with their rules.  Glenn however is adamant that they are Alexandrians now and says that they have to make this work. 

Carol looks over at the Anderson's on their front porch.  When Rick approaches, Carol tells Rick about the lock in Sam's closet to keep him safe from Pete. Apparently, Sam can hear Pete yelling,  breaking things and his mother crying.  Last month, when it got quiet, Sam found Jessie unconscious on the floor.  Rick questions why Carol cares and she simply says that he knows why.  Carol then brings up the fact that she has seen Rick talk to Jessie and that she knows he cares.  Carol states that if Ed hadn't died, she wouldn't be standing there with him right now.

Rick stands in the open holding his gun at his side when he is approached by Pete.  Pete calls to Rick several times and Rick turns with the gun behind his back and gives Pete the you should be dead look. Rick tells Pete to keep walking and Pete is shocked by his reception.  Pete finally drops his ridiculous smile and complies. 

It's 6:30 in the morning and Michonne is lying in bed.  Michonne looks over at a hamper filled with clothing and slowly gets out of bed.  Michonne lays out her sheriff's clothing, as Rosita knocks on the door.  Rosita reports that Tara is stable and that Sasha spent the night outside of the walls.   Michonne quickly grabs a shirt, leaving her sheriff's uniform behind.  The two women walk through the woods looking for Sasha.  Rosita and Michonne talk about the fact that this is the first time they have been of the outside of the walls since they arrived at Alexandria.  Rosita admits that she was screwed up after she found out about Eugene's lies and that Michonne however seems screwed up because they found something.  Michonne simply says that Noah is dead and thinks that she mentally fell asleep inside the walls.  Michonne does not want to forget what they have been through and Rosita suggests that she not give up.

Deanna stares at the graves and Rick approaches to say that he is sorry about the loss of Aidan.  Rick then brings up Pete, to which Deanna says that she had hoped it would get better.  Rick makes it clear that it won't get better but Deanna points out that Pete is a surgeon and saves lives.  Rick wants to separate Jesse and Pete but Deanna questions what happens when Pete doesn't want to do this. Rick answers that if Pete doesn't want to leave his family, then the only solution is to kill him. Deanna however is absolutely against this, pointing out that Alexandria is civilization and that they don't kill people. Rick however believes that a warning to stop or die is civilization these days.  Deanna feels that their only option is to exile Pete and is adamant that they are not executing anyone.  Deanna adds that this sort of thinking doesn't belong in Alexandria.  Deanna tells Rick that she wouldn't kill him and would just send him away.  Little does she know how empty this threat is.

Rosita and Michonne come across zombies who have been shot in the back of the head and surmise that this Sasha's work. 

Carl is following Enid through the woods and she calls out to him that she is aware of his presence and asks him to leave because he scares her.  Carl tells Enid that she shouldn't sneak out by herself, adding that two people just died.  Enid starts running and Carl is quick to follow.  The two stop when they see a walker.  Enid winds up an egg timer and throws it in the direction of the walker.  The zombie moves toward the sound when the egg timer goes off and the kids take off in the other direction.

The Walking Dead, Season Five, Episode Fourteen: Spend

Gabriel walks into Alexandria's church and after bookmarking a place in the bible, he finds a note saying, "Father, we are blessed to have you."  Gabriel, who has mysteriously found a new collar, begins ripping pages out of the bible and then slams it shut full of angst.

On his new bike, Darryl leaves Alexandria.

Reg and Noah meet at the gazebo for an early morning meeting.  Noah requests that they start to meet regularly in the mornings so that Reg can teach him how to build things.  Noah wants to make sure the walls stay up, adding that he thinks they could get knocked in - even if  it is years from now.  Reg is impressed by this and says that Noah is thinking about the long haul.  Reg pulls out his notebook, saying that he writes down everything of note and then hands the book to Noah, adding that this will be his job in the future.  Reg says that there is going to be a lot to remember and that they are at the beginning of Alexandria.

Abraham stands at his bathroom sink and he seems to be having difficulty looking at his image in the mirror.

Noah hands Eugene a gun which he is resistant to take because he doesn't want to go on the field trip to find parts to fix the power grid.  Eugene wants to stay behind, saying that he can install the piece they need when they bring it back.  Aidan talks with his parents and kisses them briefly good bye.  Maggie and Glenn kiss goodbye, after she assures him that he has this.  Reg says that he is surprised that the power grid took this long to act up.  Diana thanks Glenn and he hops in the van.  Tara, Glenn and Noah sit in the back of the van and Aidan starts to play loud music, which makes so much sense considering that they are in a zombie apocalypse and zombies are attracted to noise.  Glenn snarks about the music scaring the zombies away. The van drives off and Gabriel steps outside and nods at Diana and Reg.

Rick heads to see Jessie and discovers that her owl sculpture has been destroyed. Jessie says that things like this never happen in Alexandria, leading Rick to question if she has any enemies.  Rick of course assigns himself the task of discovering who destroyed the owl.  Jessie asks what he will do if he finds the culprit and Rick responds that there will be some kind of consequences.

The group has arrived at the warehouse and Aidan and Nicholas just want to walk in the front door, clearly showing their lack of experience.  It's Glenn who suggests that they should have a plan and scope things out first. A zombie approaches and Noah takes it out with one shot.  They load up with weapons and start a perimeter check  to learn where the exists are.  Eugene and Tara are teamed up and Eugene the coward says that he shouldn't be there, adding that he isn't combat ready. Tara has run out of sympathy for Eugene and tells Eugene that he has to start pulling his weight.  Eugene however feels that he has pulled his weight because without him, the group would never have even thought of traveling to Washington.  Tara clarifies and informs Eugene that he didn't get them to Washington and instead, the group brought him here.  Tara calls Eugene a coward, a label he fully embraces. Noah is teamed up with Glenn and they laugh about how inexperienced Aidan is.  They come to a fenced in area and find it filled with zombies. 

The group has assembled at the entrance to the warehouse and Glenn bangs on the wall trying to attract any errant zombies which might be roaming around.  Glenn takes the leadership position and they head into the warehouse.  They stop walking when Glenn gets the feeling that they are not alone. They split up into teams again, with Tara and Eugene paring up and finding the part that they need.  Aidan starts shooting, as a zombie approaches but since it's wearing armor, he is unable to take it out. Glenn tells Aidan to wait for the zombie to get closer.  Aidan however is convinced he has it and keeps shooting, even as Glenn tells him to stop.  The zombie explodes.  When they come to, Aidan is impaled on the wall and Nicholas declares Aidan dead.  Glenn calls out for the rest of the team and Noah makes his way over to him.  Eugene calls out his location and when Glenn and Noah head over, they find an injured Tara.  A walker approaches, so Glenn tells Eugene to take it. Eugene pulls out his gun but his hands are shaking so badly, he cannot take the shot, leaving Glenn and Noah to come to the rescue.

Carol heads downstairs and finds Sam hiding in the closet.  Carol is quick to tell Sam to leave but it seems that Sam has his heart set on Carol's cookies.  Sam then adds that he wanted to work on his owl but his house is out of power. Carol being Carol, could give two shits about this and declares that nothing Sam has said amounts to a problem. Carol starts pushing Sam towards the door as he asks her to make more cookies.  Sam then asks if Carol can show him how to make the cookies and so Carol proposes a deal.  Carol tells Sam that he has to steal the chocolate from Olivia, warning that if Sam gets caught and says anything, he won't like what will happen.  Oooooh look at the flowers Sam, look at all the pretty flowers.

Bitten, Season 2, Episode 7 Bad Dreams

Ominous Savannah dreams of someone eating Elena and the ominous words “we’re all dead by dawn”

While awake, Elena is clearly badly traumatised by her experiences with Alistair. Nick and Paige are at Alistair’s base disposing of everything (it seems that all of Elena’s blood samples have disappeared though – not that Nick seems to pay much attention). Paige is also having doubts because Alistair is her half-brother and she thinks family could have changed things – something that hits a raw wound with Nick since his dad mentioned his mother’s name as he died. Of course he hasn’t gone to see her because werewolf law says you have to kill any human who learns you’re a wolf.

The Alpha Council is back in town and is being very demanding about assurances that the werewolf secret is not at risk from Malcom – or the pack’s – actions. There’s lots of sniping and little digs and they demand to see Elena. It’s quickly clear that they’re less interested in how she killed Malcolm than they are curious about how Elena, the only female werewolf, managed to survive her first change. She credits it all to Jeremy and how they should all listen to him

The new Spanish Alphas Eduardo is all stompy about Jeremy killing his last Alpha. He also decides to threaten to kill Nick (who is away from the pack) if Jeremy doesn’t kill Roman, the Russian Alpha

He tries to call Nick, but one of the Spanish wolves has stolen his phone. Clay follows Eduardo and finds him meeting with Karl – the mutt who causes so much trouble. After some strangling, Karl assures Clay that he was totally going to tell them because he is indebted to Jeremy for letting him live

Paige has decided she knows better than Nick and it’s time to take a trip to see Nick’s mother. They meet her and get all emotional over the fact she’s clearly heartbroken and pining for Nick’s dad. Which leads to Nick’s pining for what he can’t have – a family – which in turn leads to him and Paige having sex.

Except Antonio didn’t leave Lily in the dark – she has been sending her pictures of Nick showing her he’s ok. She knows Nick is her son. Nick turns and runs. When Paige tries to catch up with him to change his mind, Nick smells the werewolf hunting him

Confrontation in a corn field ends up with the Spanish wolf knocked out by Nick in wolf form – which was witnessed by Lily. Nick kills the Spanish wolf once he hears of the plot. He manages to have a moment with Lily who reveals she knows all about the werewolves, Antonio had told him – and he left to keep her safe from the secret being exposed. Nick tells her that Antonio is dead

Grimm, Season 4, Episode 14: Bad Luck

“No-one is so thoroughly superstitious as the godless man.”

Juliette has revealed her Hexenbiest face to Nick and he… pulls a gun. He think she’s Adalind in disguise (and showing a Hexenbiest face? That would be the worst disguise ever). Juliette hastily tells him things Adalind would never know. Nick steps back in shock and Juliette gives a run down of how awesomely badass she’s become (in a sad voice though). She adds that it’s permanent because that’s what Henrietta said

Which, eventually, tells Nick that Juliette told Renard before she told Nick. Nick can’t understand why she wouldn’t tell him – and she confesses she was afraid he would kill her. Like me, every other viewer on this show and probably people on the planet Zog, Nick is stunned that Juliette would think that even for a second. Nick has a massive guilt spiral, blames it all on himself for becoming a Grimm again and leaves, not knowing where he’s going

Ok I get leaving a situation you can’t handle, I do it all the time – but when the situation is someone else’s painful issue, leaving is 8 kinds of arseholery.

On to this week’s monster. A happy domestic scene has a teenager sneaking out to be with his girlfriend in the woods at night. These kids needs to watch more horror movies, especially when they split up just before creepy accordion music plays – and a wolf-man appears with a big hammer. The boy turns into a rabbit-man; this does not look like a fair fight. The kid gets his foot squished as his mother arrives screaming for help

The phone call for the investigation at least distracts Nick from his wrestling Juliette thoughts as he, Hank and Wu all gather at the crime scene. The kid, Peter, has died from losing his foot. Interviewing the mother shows she’s a rabbit-wesen but she doesn’t notice Nick’s grimmyness.

Elsewhere, a couple buys that severed rabbit-wesen foot from the man who killed Peter and he returns to his creepy accordion music. They believe the foot will help them conceive.

Nick and Juliette’s family issues continue, Nick not sleeping in the same bed that night (claiming he didn’t want to wake her – and, yet again, I have to question why this huge house only has one bedroom. Where did Truble sleep?). Nick demands to see Henrietta, alone. That is so not a good idea.