In the future with Damon and Alaric going to save a
future Caroline so a future Stefan doesn’t walk into a trap. Damon does
instead. This is not good planning! Why do they always fail to plan?! Why?
Anyway in the present we’re finding out if Caroline has
been mystically impregnated with her teacher’s babies – and my gods that is
wrong on so many levels. On top of this we have the weirdness of a pregnant
vampire. Apparently she’s not pregnant and neither of them consider whether
pregnancy tests even work on vampires (I guess this answers the question
whether vampires urinate?)
Matt is still faced with the huge number of people who
have been compelled to hang around the abandoned high school and give blood – why
anyone would do this seems to confuse Matt and Caroline. More of them are all
gathering in the Grill
What confuses Matt is that there’s no bite marks, the
humans are being “fattened up” with supplements to make them extra bloody….
…I will forever hate this show for making me type this
sentence. Fattening up a blood supply? Really?
And Caroline has morning sickeness.
They decide to ask Valerie to syphon off all the
compulsion but she doesn’t see the point – they’ll just be replaced. She does
it anyway. Valerie continues to insist Caroline is pregnant
And Beau appears. They fight – and Caroline, Matt and Valerie use magic to hide. Fighting Beau I replaced with Valerie and Caroline with Caroline asking how she knows about the baby switching spell anyway. It turns out Valerie used the spell to try and save her own baby though it didn’t work.
Stefan’s master plan to bring down Julian now involves
inviting Lily to thanksgiving dinner. Damon is as bemused by this nonsense as
me. He’s also pissed off because, of course, Lily is responsible for Elena
being all Sleeping Beauty and Stefan has kind of tromped all over that by
inviting Lily. And Stefan tries to openly convince Lily her true love is bad.
Which is hard in the Vampire Diaries world, because everyone is evil.
Stefan tells Lily about Julian beating Valerie into a
miscarriage – Lily doesn’t believe anything Valerie says because it’s easier
not to believe it and Stefan vervains her. That’ll be convincing.
They decide that since Lily has a bad track record of
loving abusive men (including their father Guiseppe), the way to solve this is
to have 2 men drug her and tie her up.
…
Yes. Really. At least Lily points out the ridiculousness
of this as we have a series of flashbacks of terrible family life. Lily tells
them she wasn’t a fool, she was quite aware her husband was abusing her kids
even if she pretended not to know.
Meanwhile Bonnie and Enzo are looking for whatever it is
Oscar had that Julian wants while Bonnie desperately tries to inject some sense
into this show – stop treating Lily like a prize to be won, being fought over
is not a turn on. It falls on deaf ears as Enzo doesn’t listen with a patented “I’m
so gorgeous” look on his face. And he is, but he should still listen.
They find a short sword which Enzo wants to stab Julian
with while Bonnie keeps trying to speak sense. Enzo goes to the Heretic house
to snarl at Julian so they can have a duel. Yes, a duel.
Damon confronts Lily on doing nothing about their dad’s
abuse when she suddenly gets a cut on her neck – because they were worried
about Julian, they linked his life to hers. If he is injured so is she…. Uh…
that kind of relies on anyone giving a shit about Lily? YAY TWO FOR ONE DEAL!
Enzo and Julian continue to duel – and Julian is
concerned about the sword Enzo found. Her having injuries means they let her go
to treat the cut while she explains why she did nothing while her son was
tortured – future plans that were thwarted by Guiseppe and his cruel abuse. He claims
she was fully aware her husband was a monster and she stayed to be with her
kids even as they were abused.
Meanwhile Damon zooms over and saves Enzo before stabbing
Julian with the special killy-sword. Lily is also stabbed in the process. Yes,
Damon knows about this as he crows to Enzo – pointing out that Lily can’t be a
human shield because he hates her too. Enzo is not a fan
While poor Bonnie runs into a drunken Alaric because she
has to care about all of the failures surrounding her. She has decided that
rather than use the mysterious sword, it’s probably better to research it – she
does and it seems linked to the Phoenix Stone (which was in its hilt). It needs
the stone to be a shiny sword – otherwise it’s just a sword.
And then Julian wakes up to fight back then Stefan
arrives, then Lily. Everyone goes home and is all angsty.
Matt calls Bonnie to whine that she wasn’t on call to
save him, how very dare she. Enzo arrives to whine at her while Bonnie has to
comfort her.
Alaric takes Caroline for an ultrasound which, again,
shows she’s not pregnant. Before Valerie comes in and reminds everyone that the
Gemini Coven’s thing is illusions. Cloaking and invisibility is what they do.
Yes she is pregnant.
Stefan is pissed at his brother for wanting to kill Lilly
– did he miss the part where Damon hated Lilly? Did he actually forget? Damon
is furious at Stefan constantly trying to find an excuse for Lilly.
Lilly mopes at home and asks why Julian decides to pick a
fight with Lorenzo while his life was bound to hers – and “I’d totally win” is
not an excuse. She tries to confront him with the story of Valerie’s
miscarriage and he lies and says it never happened. I’m not sure she bought it
and he sees that and plays nicey nice.
The same behaviour which, a flashback, shows was mirrored
exactly by Guiseppe. Lilly has a lightbulb moment
She goes back to her sons to tell them they’re right. She
has traded one monster for another and now will stop him
Uh… Damon still hates her, remember?
My new theory – Vampire
Diaries is actually about Hell. One of the Lower Circles. It’s Bonnie’s
personal Hell. A Hell that requires her to be the only person speaking sense
while surrounded by people who won’t listen – and still feeling compelled to
help them. Poor poor Bonnie.
This episode was… almost impressive with the nonsense of
this episode. Pregnant vampires, fattening up a blood supply (whyyyy? Is blood
in short supply? Clearly not if you can gather so many!) the kidnapping to
inform Lily about her bad relationship choices… all… so awful. While Enzo and
Julian duel. And linking Lily and Julian’s life – like anyone cares if Lily
lives or dies?!
The one interesting element is Stefan and Damon’s
argument – because while Stefan is continually buying Lily’s positive spin, it’s
apparent in that one flashback that Damon was used. Lilly didn’t stop the abuse
and for all her claim that she stayed for the sake of her sons, she didn’t: she
faked her own death and fled. Now she was powerless and we can understand the
decision (albeit not why she didn’t go after Guiseppe as a vampire) – but nor
can you expect Damon to be remotely sympathetic.
I also really don’t like the story of Guiseppe and Julian
– how they mirror each other largely because of how it has been phrased – there’s
a definite whiff of blame here. It’s not looking at Lilly who is prone to being
victimised, who needs help recognising the hallmarks of the abusive
relationships she’s in. It’s Lilly who is at fault for defending the
victimisers. It is Lilly who has FAILED. It is Lilly who needs to wake up and
help them fight the abusers from her denial – for other people’s sake. Lily has
been in two abusive relationships and in both cases she was blamed for it more
than sympathised with
And we all KNOW Valerie’s and Stefan’s child is out
there, right? Not only did she save the baby but that baby is now a vampire and
still alive. Yes, we know this.
