And Bonnie finally finished her ultimate act, using Elena’s
freshly crushed heart as an ingredient for the spell that killed every last
member of the cast but her. And lo there was much rejoicing, considerably less
death and an end to the global whiskey shortage
…damn I fell asleep and started dreaming while recapping Vampire Diaries.
So it’s to the actual show beginning with another
3-years-in-the-future scene – Damon is visiting Rick and warning him that his fiancée
will be used as bait for Stefan – that fiancée being Caroline (uckies – that’s
technically a teacher/student romance) and they’re already too late as she’s
already blood stained on TV with a message for Stefan
To the present and Stefan dreaming about the kid he ever
had and waking up to the awkwardness of Caroline learning Valerie stayed the night.
Stefan explains why he is trying to protect Valerie – Caroline sees absolutely
no reason why this is their problem, even a little. Valerie likes the idea of
escaping because the Phoenix stone has another downside – it turns people mad
which makes Julian scary
Julian and Bo are playing with swords at the mansion and
Lily is all love struck. She warns Julian they have enemies – her sons – and decides
to deal with that by inviting Damon and Stefan to a little party (they’ve
already completely written off Valerie).
Meanwhile Rick is still all sad panda, Jo is still
possessed and Bonnie isn’t happy being recruited to play stalker and watcher over
the who-ever-it-is possessing Jo. Bonnie being dragged into a menial unpleasant
task that she has no motivation for? Surely not!
Stefan wants to go to party, Damon doesn’t. Stefan wants
to kill Julian right now. Damon wants to wait until Lily has got used to him
being back so he can then crush her heart with his death.
Personally I think killing either of them while surrounded by beings that are immensely more powerful than Stefan and Damon is a bad idea which needs a bit more planning – but they’ve always thrown themselves hopelessly against powerful enemies (if it weren’t for plot armour, both Stefan and Damon would have been killed by Katherine, Elijah or Klaus several seasons ago).
Clearly this needs more relationship drama so Valerie
pokes Caroline about the big-secret of being pregnant with Stefan’s child that
Stefan is keeping from her.
Time for the party, beginning with Nora appealing to
Julian to get Lily to let them to leave town and more tensions between Mary
Louise and Nora. Stefan arrives to find a house full of compelled house guests –
which Lily calls “what peace looks like.” There must be a new record for
patheticness set when you have to compel people to come get free booze. And
Damon is there to stop Stefan murder Julian (and Damon still doesn’t know the
pregnancy secret)
Matt is also invited because someone cares about this
character. Apparently. Alas he doesn’t die. Why oh why doesn’t he die? And Enzo
and Bonnie go – apparently, Enzo has told people Bonnie is his date because we
need that.
Julian continually treats Beau as a servant, confides
that he may be having mental issues and asks Beau to find something he’s lost.
Overheard by all that super vampire hearing he’s whispering around. Including
Enzo who Julian treats like one of the staff so Bonnie plays girlfriend to make
Lily jealous because she cares about Enzo because… oh, wait, she doesn’t. But
of course Bonnie is happy to serve
Mary Louise is still having Nora issues – and Julian
decides the best way to address this is to encourage her to eat the catering
staff, despite Lily’s rules.
The Salvatore brothers keep fighting over the timing of
their murder of their mutual enemy. And people wonder why I drink? Anyway, this
plot limps on, Julian is introduced to a crowd that doesn’t care, Stefan and
Damon dance around trying to murder Julian, continually arguing until Stefan
gets Matt to vervain Damon to stop him interfering
Because taking out one of your allies before you take on
a much older vampire is definitely the best plan here.
Stefan attacks and it all goes terribly wrong. They end
up being sat down and lectured by Julian about his personal hell and how he’s
totally not a monster. Julian and Stefan fight and as he rages and attacks Lily
tells her sons to leave. Because raging vampires are really so unusual and
shocking
They go home and Damon pokes Stefan repeatedly asking
what has got him all raging and killing until Stefan snaps and smacks him
before telling the whole story of Valerie, the baby and Julian’s brutal
beating. They talk with actual understanding – and draw comparisons between
Julian and Guiseppe Salvatore – their dad. Damon is now on side on the Julian
kill.
Lily tries to talk to Julian to understand where his rage
came from but he just scorns her. She insists that she wants her children
alive. He blames his issues on the Phoenix Stone in blatant manipulation. She
falls for it. And agrees for the whole family to co-operate to make him feel
safe from the Salvatores
While this is going on, Bonnie and Matt follow one of the
guests leaving the party, clearly compelled. He goes to the school along with
dozens of others – all donating blood and unresponsive.
Alas we now have to join Rick and not!Jo and not!Jo has a nose bleed. Caroline is
called to provide healing blood for the nose bleed and cough – and she throws
it up. Valerie suggests that a vampire soul in a human body apparently doesn’t
work. Caroline takes Valerie aside for a brief lesson in tact
Jo – or Florence as it turns out – and Rick have a
tearful goodbye
The aftermath of this is Valerie watching Rick’s tragic
wedding video and realising that the Gemini witches who were chanting weren’t
trying to imprison Kai (which probably wouldn’t have worked because of the
whole siphon thing), but were safeguarding the next generation of Gemini twins –
Rick’s children. Because twins are so special to the Geminis.
With the help of Valerie’s woo-woo they find the location
of the babies – inside Caroline, apparently. Vampire pregnancy?
The Phoenix Stone turns people “mad” which makes Valerie
even more afraid of Julian. Um… Julian is a man who brutally beat her to force
a miscarriage, he’s controlling, cruel and evil. Exactly how does mental
illness make him worse or scarier? This is how embedded the pathologisation
of mental illness is in our media and society that we can have this nonsensical
idea – that this man, this terrible man, is not truly scary and a threat
because MADNESS. Or that we needed some
other reason to hate or fear him beyond what we’ve already abundantly seen.
Can someone tell me why Stefan, Damon, Caroline… anyone
are still in Mystic Falls? I mean, really, they don’t even have Elena’s body
tethering them there any more. Why attend a Witchpire party? What could they
gain? Why not just… leave? Caroline jokes about getting Valerie out of the
country well… why not? Why don’t all of them just take off and fly to New
Zealand or something? (my apologies to kiwis for wishing this on them). Is it just revenge?
And why why why why does Lily control the Hybrids?
Mary-Louise and Nora want to leave town, exactly how will Lily stop them? Can
this be addressed? Why do they have to appeal to Julian to intervene?
I do like Bonnie and Matt both epicly shooting down the
whole “hey let’s start afresh!” plea. Yeah because no. Really, no. What is it
with Mystic Falls and these awful, pointless awful parties. Why would ANYONE
attend this? I mean, I’m almost insulted it WASN’T an ambush mean to kill them
all! Anyone walking into such an obvious trap deserves to be chopped into itty
bitty pieces.
