Past Camelot
Zelena has teleported Arthur to Camelot (‘tis a silly place) and the pair don’t
like each other very much but they do have to work together – and for that they
need another shiny from Dunbroch – Merida’s land.
Where Merida has just saved her brothers and proven
herself to be Queen material – as she and her mother prepare for her coronation
at her father’s grave.
This is not nearly confusing enough! We need a flashback to
Dunbroch several years earlier when King Fergus was alive and going to
look for the witch who turned his wife into a bear. Not for vengeance - but
because he needs more magic to resist invasion.
She agrees – in exchange for an IOU (such a terrible
terrible idea) and gets a magical helmet with ill defined magical abilities but
does “exactly what he wants”
Aaaagh this man should never ever make a deal with magical people! Can you imagine what Rumplestiltskin would have done with such vague terms?!
Fastforward to the
coronation year and it’s Merida’s coronation – when the witch arrives despite
not being invited. What, not invited? Damn it people – first making vague deals
then not inviting evil magical people to your shindigs? Have ye never read a
fairy tale?!
She’s here to collect on her deal. She wants more money
than the whole clans have – and if she doesn’t get her money or the helm back
she’s going to curse the whole kingdom to become bears.
She’s something of a one trick pony it has to be said. Or she has a thing for bears. She also leaves with a little stab about Fergus not knowing how to lead.
Unfortunately that helm was taken by the knight who
killed Fergus – her mother isn’t a fan of Merida running off questing after a
helmet held by a knight who already killed Fergus.
Flashback to when
Fergus was alive and Merida is faced with both the contempt of the soldiers
and the harsh realities of war and people expecting to die – and Merida gains a
tutor. Mulan
MULAN!!! Someone opened the plot box! Mulan tells her honour is super important.
We have a fun training montage with more contempt from
the men with Mulan saying smacking them would be strong – but not smart. And
strong doesn’t lead (as an apparent example, she sees all the men cheering
Fergus). Merida is stunned and she begs her dad to tell her how he manages to
inspire them to go into battle – and Fergus says you need to be on the front
line, you need to show them you’re willing to risk your own life.
When it’s the time of the battle, Fergus tries to have
Mulan distract Merida and keep her from the fight – she arrives late to fire
the shot that fails to save her father
So it’s naturally Mulan Merida turns to in the Coronation year when looking for
someone to join her getting her dad’s helm – and she finds a Mulan who cares
less about honour and far more about money. She agrees – so long as she keeps
her secrets and there’s no prying questions. Of course Merida doesn’t stick to
it – why has Mulan become so cold: Mulan has learned a new lesson “a warrior
doesn’t let anyone hurt them”.
Arthur and Zelena are also after that helmet and go to
the Witch. She tries to be all ominous but Zelena isn’t impressed and nearly
drowns her in her own cauldron. She tells them she’s sent Merida after the helm
– while Zelena and Arthur snark some more (Zelena isn’t as good at Regina, but
she’s still good at a cutting remark).
They catch up to Merida and Mulan and Arthur reveals what
the helm does – it makes other men fight your battles. All that devotion the
men had for Fergus was magically induced. And it’s what Arthur needs to get his
knights to face Merlin and the Dark One. Zelena continues to be gloriously evil
– and steals Merida’s bow to help her find the helm
Of course Merida now has a huge crisis of confidence –
because if her idealised daddy needed dark magic to lead then what chance does
she have? She’s now happy to hand over the quest to the clans because she has
no confidence in herself – and Mulan’s crushed spirit doesn’t exactly inspire
Merida to do different.
Mulan decides to follow the clues anyway to try and make
up for the terribad example she just set her former pupil– and she goes to see
the witch and her giant wolf – who Mulan doesn’t fight. Instead she uses a
potion which turns the wolf… into
Ruby! Red Riding Hood!
RUBY?! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE SAW HER!
Ruby and Mulan talk about the friends they have in common
including Prince Phillip and Aurora about to have a child – which doesn’t make
Mulan happy.
We have a brief recap of why Ruby disappeared for several
seasons – she went realm hopping with a magic
bean so she could try and find her fellow werewolves. Which she hasn’t
found –but the witch enslaved her in the process.
And now she can use her wolfy nose to track down the
killer of Fergus and the helmet. Which means they can convince Merida to join
them again without her handing the crown to her rival clans.
Zelena and Arthur find the helm with magic – only to have
Merida & co around. They’ve found Fergus’s killer, King Arthur. He invaded
Clan Dunbroch for on his endless Excalibur quest. And why didn’t Arthur have the
helm? Because Fergus was wearing a different helm in battle, he’d thrown the
enchanted helm in the sea and led his people with his own charisma.
Zelena really doesn’t care. So battle time. Including
lots of angry ranting back and forth while Ruby and Mulan ambush Zelena with
sleeping powder to stop her killing them all with her awesome power (well it
would have been a short fight anyway). Arthur may have won the one-on-one duel
with Merida – but the heads of the three other clans appear. A woozy Zelena
teleports her and Arthur away. Merida thanks her men and they all kneel to
their queen, impressed that she was willing to give up her crown for the sake
of getting back the helm and saving her people.
Now she can have a proper coronation – and for the Witch
to arrive. She refuses to hand over the crown, deciding instead to destroy it.
The witch applauds – she wants a Queen who won’t rely on magic to rule. Yes, a
convoluted magical test. And she has the gift of ale that will let her speak to
her dad.
The Queen Mother “Your Magic’s not very direct, is it?”
Witch: “it gets the job done.”
Celebrations! And Merida learns why Mulan was sad – she said
she had a broken heart after waiting too long to tell them how she felt. Ruby
suggests that rather than wallowing in self-pity, she join Ruby on her quest to
find other werewolves.
And Merida has her reunion with her dad’s spirit. She
then declares vengeance against Arthur
That was immense fun, with some very over the top but
also still awesome lessons about leadership and being smart rather than being
strong and 3 awesomely fun female characters I hope we will see much much more
of
And I do like the little snarky call out of how magical
quests/lessons tend to be a little convoluted. And a nice different take on the
witch – not evil, but dispensing her rather convoluted magical learning
experiences.
The plot box has been found! Ruby and Mulan have both
been released from where they have been banished for a truly ridiculous amount
of time! Ok the excuses for their absence were pretty shallow and flimsy and
convoluted. But hey I’m just happy to have them back after seasons of absence
for no good reason (and with no-one noticing them being gone).
I just hope that there’s some plan for them to rejoin the
main plot – these three characters are just far too awesome to not be used
again. Merida’s pledge of vengeance suggests she will be coming back.
But what about Mulan and Ruby? They need to rejoin the
main plot as well. Especially since we badly need some follow up on the may-be-bisexual-but-we’re-going-to-preserve-plausible-deniability
Mulan storyline where she DIDN’T come out but did raise a whole lot of
hope. Even now, she’s been careful how she’s referred to her heartbreak –it could
still refer to Phillip as much as Aurora
I don’t think it will – not unless Once Upon a Time is even more contemptuous of LGBT fans than I
already think they are – and I think Ruby/Mulan is likely to become a thing.
But then it’s all the more reason why, after 5 seasons and no LGBT inclusion,
it’s important that they don’t become one-off brief appearances before
vanishing again.