Would vampires make
good poker players?
Recently, vampires have risen from their slumber in their
dusty coffins and sunk their fangs into the public’s imagination once again.
Thanks to the Twilight Saga franchise, people have a renewed fascination with
these mysterious creatures of the night so complex and enigmatic, yet troubled
and misunderstood.
To help shake the vampire figure out of the funk it is
usually cast, we’ve tried to re-imagine Count Dracula as a hard-nosed poker
player who wouldn’t shy away from a gamble or two at the casino tables or the
online rooms.
After all, poker, especially online poker, is a game most
people play at night and considering how lonely it must feel inside a spooky castle
without a live, juicy neck around we’d bet vampires would dig this modern
hobby.
‘Stakes’ even a
vampire would be comfortable with
Thanks to the terrific rise in popularity
of online poker, any vampire could easily turn on their laptop, tablet or
smartphone, log on to a poker website and open up an account. We’re sure they’d
be tickled pink to find out about all the great bonus offers and promotions for
new players.
Many a lonely night could be transformed into a profitable
gambling caper thanks to real-money play and the opportunity to participate in
poker tournaments against players from all around the world without having to
put on those old-fashioned capes and fancy tuxedos again.
5 reasons why
poker-playing vampires is a good idea
casinocheers.com
Based on our understanding of vampires, not the sparkly
kind, their profile appears to be a perfect match with the qualities you'd
expect to find in the ideal poker player.
Here are the top 5 characters that could turn any vampire
into poker pro if only they’d open an online poker account when not terrorising
us common mortals:
1 - They’re most
active at night
We all know that vampires prowl for their next victims only
at night. Unfortunately, finding an unsuspecting person to pounce upon is
hard work, not to mention a major pain nowadays with all the security cameras.
Vampires will surely be better off lounging on a sofa near a
roaring fireplace, glass of brandy at hand and hunting for fresh blood on the
online poker rooms. All the best poker action happens at night, so vampires are
naturally inclined to reach the peak of their bloodthirstiness when the action
around the tables starts getting hot.
2 - They have that
killer instinct
Vampires have an innate drive towards aggression that
immediately sets them apart as assertive and risk-taking players who aren’t
afraid to go all in when the situation demands that level of commitment.
Nobody’s bankroll is safe with a vampire at the tables.
They’ll certainly grab onto it and suck the cash out of it till it’s bone dry.
With this kind of attitude you’d expect them to fit right in with the most
fearsome poker sharks on the web.
3 - Vampires never
give up. Ever.
With the luxury of having an eternity to while away unless
they encounter a stake of the wooden kind first, vampires aren’t ones to be
intimidated by any kind of losses since they know they can afford to build up
their accounts as many times as they like.
With the fear of failure having no place in their system,
vampires are literally win-oriented machines who will stop at nothing to reach
their goals. Even if they hit a snag, vampires are wise enough to know that all
it takes is time to refocus on their target and pursue it till its all theirs.
4 - They’re incredibly
clever and love refined pastimes
One of the most fascinating things about vampires is how
these terrifying beings are equal parts visceral and incredibly cerebral as
well. Unlike those mindless zombies, vampires are learned
creatures who value knowledge and absorb new things like a Persian rug
soaks up a bloodstain.
Once it enters their mind, it forms an indelible memory.
Vampires would be exceptional at memorise complicated odds and learning new
poker tactics that would frustrate even the most experienced pro. Luck doesn’t
even have to figure in the equation for them to win!
5 - One icy,
soul-searching stare is enough to make you fold
Finally, with a fearsome reputation like theirs, vampires
would instil fear in the most hardened gambler, causing them to quit the game
even before the cards have been dealt!
If you’re foolish enough to play with a vampire at the
table, there’s no way you could read anything on their cold, emotionless faces.
Like corpses they betray not a single clue to what’s passing through their
mind, yet their inscrutable exterior would somehow convince you that no matter
how this hand ends, the game will eventually be theirs.
