When you consume as much media as we do, the sense of de ja vu is inevitable, there are many ways to cope with this. You can curse randomly, you can break your electronics - or you can make up fun drinking games.
And this week, we’re going to look at the supernatural related shows on the CW. The CW is a network that has produced a surprising large number of speculative fictions shows which are immensely popular but, barring a few notable exceptions, we see some considerable patterns.
And, frankly, a big bottle of booze is the only way I survived The Tomorrow People
- Age:
- +1 drink if the protagonist is a teenager
- +1 drink if most of the cast are teenagers
- +1 drink if everyone turns to said teenager for guidance
- +1 drink even if the followers are more experienced
- +1 drink even if the world is COMPLETELY NEW to the protag
- +1 drink if they actually become the leader
- +1 drink if the actor is over 25
- empty the glass if they’re pushing 30 (or more! +1 glass for every 5 years over)
- empty the glass if there’s no way they could possibly pass for less than 20
- +1 drink if they don’t act even slightly like teengers!
- +1 drink parents/guardians are never around
- empty the damn glass if they HAVE no guardians and live alone
- empty the damn glass if they live alone AND have no discernable source of income
- +1 drink if they drink hard liquor
- empty the damn glass if they do this regularly, in public and no adult comments on it (1 glass each)
- +1 drink if they never attend school
- +1 drink if they do attend school, but don’t actually attend lessons
- empty the damn glass if they still graduate
- empty the damn bottle if they still get into college
- SPECIAL BONUS ROUND! In the unlikely event of the protagonist actually being an adult:
- +1 drink if they don’t work, yet still have income
- +1 drink if they have a job but never actually do it
- Friendship (or at least likes them)
- +1 drink if everyone loves the protagonist
- +1 drink if there is no discernable reason why
- +1 drink for every friend who is incredibly loyal beyond all reasonable degree
- empty the damn glass if said friend will risk job/future/life for protagonist
- +1 drink if friends do sacrifice themselves for the protag (+1 drink per sacrifice)
- empty the damn glass if said friend became a friend with no explanation
- empty the damn glass if said friend gets nothing from the friendship
- empty the damn glass if said friend is a minority
- empty the damn bottle if said friend has useful woo-woo
- The protagonist is super duper special
- +1 drink if they have powers no-one else has
- +1 drink they have a special super quality no-one or almost no-one has
- +1 drink if this quality makes them a desirable acquisition
- +1 drink if they are super-duper powerful
- empty the damn glass if, despite this, they want “to be normal”
- Self-Absorbed Protagonist/Main Character
- +1 drink per artistic outlet for angst (painting, music, journaling)
- +1 drink per scene where the protagonist has been blatantly inserted even though it really shouldn’t be about them
- +1 drink per event that focuses on the protagonist when they shouldn’t be centre stage
- empty glass if it’s someone else’s celebration
- empty the damn bottle if someone else’s death is all about their pain
- empty the damn bottle if someone’s sacrifice is all about their guilt
- empty the damn bottle if someone’s funeral is all about comforting the protagonist
- +1 drink when we focus on the protagonist’s pain while a secondary character has gone through far worse shit and is passed over
- +1 drink if that far-more-suffering character just gets on with things
- empty the glass if they comfort the protagonist
- empty the damn bottle if they comfort the protagonist for feeling bad about their far worse shit
- empty the glass if the show focuses on the personal drama of the protagonist while major events happen
- +1 drink if major issues happen in other character’s lives and the protagonist doesn’t get involved
- +1 drink if everyone keeps their issues secret from the protagonist
- +1 drink if it’s to protect them
- empty the damn glass if there’s no discernible reason at all and it’s just a convoluted way of letting the protagonist focus on themselves.
- Family
- +1 drink per character with daddy issues!
- +1 drink per character with mummy issues!
- +1 drink per dead parent
- +1 drink per family member who is imperiled (1 drink per occasion)
- +1 drink per family member who dies on the show
- +1 drink if that family member had no other role
- empty the damn glass if that peril exists only for protagonist angst
- empty the damn glass if people are more concerned with the protagonist’s upset than the actual imperilled character
- +1 drink if the character is afraid of being alone
- empty the damn glass if they’re under 30 and scared of being alone
- empty the damn bottle if they’re under 20 and scared of being alone
- Relationships
- +1 drink if you can tell who the love interest is within 5 episodes of the first season
- +1 drink if you can tell within 3 episodes
- empty the glass if you can tell in the pilot
- empty the damn bottle if you can tell in the previews
- EMPTY ALL THE BOTTLES if we have a love triangle!
- start brewing booze in your bath-tub if we have a love square
- Open your own distillery if we have a love mutli-sided-polygon-which-may-defy-euclidean-geometry
- empty a glass if the competing love interests are related
- empty a damn bottle if one or more love interests are dangerous in some way (evil/uncontrollable)
- +1 drink if love is fated or otherwise woo-woo formed
- +1 drink per episode that focuses on the romance
- +1 drink if this is so even if there are major ongoing issues being ignored
- empty the glass if those “issues” involve life or death matters
- empty the damn bottle if those “issues” are literally the future of magic/an entire city/an entire species/etc
- +1 drink for every time the characters tragically break up
- +1 drink if they break up because they are tragically forced to
- +1 drink if they break up because they realise the relationship is unhealthy
- (empty the damn bottle if it’s still unhealthy and they still reconcile)
- +1 drink per side character involved in the break up
- +1 drink if the break up lasts less than 5 episodes
- empty the glass if it’s less than 3
- empty the damn bottle if they reconcile the same episode
- Fragile World Building
- +1 drink per questionable decision
- +1 drink per decision that defies all common sense
- +1 drink per decision that makes you sob and yell “but WHYYYYYY?!” at the screen
- +1 drink per decision that should kill the character but doesn’t
- +1 drink per decision that you WISH has killed the character
- empty the glass for each of these decisions that works out just fine
- empty the glass for each of these decisions that comes from a leader
- empty the damn bottle if they were quite sensible before becoming leader
- +1 drink per very dubious scientific explanation
- empty the glass is high school science should have told the writers it was ridiculous
- +1 drink for each time a character should use a power/skill we know they have, but don’t because it would break the story
- +1 drink for every convoluted excuse why they can’t use a power
- +1 drink every time they don’t even bother with an excuse
- +1 drink for every power the character has that is completely unexplained
- +1 drink for every convenient power the character spawns.
- +1 drink for every character whose personality radically changes for no reason
- +1 drink for world building that has blatantly changed
- +1 drink per unreasonable trust, friendship or forgiveness.
- +1 drink for dubious morality
- +1 drink if it’s ok when the protag/allies do it but not the enemies
- +1 drink if protag’s friend’s/love interest’s bad deeds are ignored or forgotten
- empty a glass if that includes murder or rape
- empty the damn bottle if that includes 6 separate crimes.
- refill the damn bottle and empty again if they condemn someone for committing the same crimes - or even less severe.
