We open with some pretty blue water, generic-handsome guy
looking at said water with lots of angst
and a Gordon Ramsay lookalike there to play older, wiser exposition giver to
tell us handsome guy is going to dive to look for his dead father’s wrecked
submarine. Handsome guy is determined to find out what happened to his dad who
left him some really ugly jewellery.
I’m going to take a wild guess and say “he drowned.”
And if that acting were any more wooden it’d sprout leaves.
He dives and finds what I presume is the wreck of his
father’s submarine – The Oracle. He also finds a bright light that sucks him
in, destroying his own submarine.
Let us now send a third submarine down!
The guy, (Jason apparently), wakes up on a beach when a
woman whispers in his mind. Ignoring the hearing-voices thing and the fact he’s
now completely naked except for his father’s ugly necklace, he tries to attract
the attention of some people on the beach in a boat. They don’t notice him and
by the time he gets to them, they’re sailing away, conveniently leaving
clothing behind.
Now dressed (in a tunic and trousers) he moves inland and
finds a walled city atop a large, rocky plateau. The crowds are dressed in a
similar style to him – pretty archaically and very unfashionably. It’s all very
olde worlde – until he finds a two headed lizard thing and decides to pet it.
Do not pet the hydra, honestly you’d think this wouldn’t have to be said. He runs
through the market causing a small amount of chaos while the lizard tries to
eat him until he manages to subdue it with a watermelon, a basket and a stick.
The guards aren’t impressed with him – whether for his
terrible abuse of mythical lizards or destruction of produce in the market and
they chase him next, with swords drawn (I rather think drawing swords is a
trifle excessive a reaction – but the script says there’s a chase scene in the
market, so chase scene there will be!)
Jason decides to run up this time (it’s in the script) and gets shot by
archers, one hitting him and causing a minor, mildly irritating puncture to
which he doesn’t even cry out in pain (what kind of crappy bows are these
people using? Throw the arrows, you’ll probably achieve more!). The rest of the
arrows miss and he jumps off the wall onto a roof to try and escape the guards
(just in case the swords they’re carrying are slightly more dangerous than the
nerf they’re shooting).
He ends up dangling precariously from some poor bloke’s window facing a brief fall and messy splash to the streets below. The man pulls him to safety - it’s a bad sign that this show has barely started and I’m kind of disappointed by the lack of street splashing. With the guards angrily banging on the door, Jason hurries to explain himself to the man.
Wait, so he’s teleported to the past in a vaguely Aegean/Hellenic setting and this guy speaks English?
For reasons unknown, the man hides Jason and the guards
come in and maliciously wreck the place for funsies (that’s not how you do
community policing) and they apparently speak English too.
The man pulls Jason from his hiding place and treats his
tiny arrow puncture in his arm (apparently loss of blood from that caused him
to pass out) and Jason learns he’s in Atlantis. The man’s apparently Pythagoras
and after a little while of Jason spluttering about losing his mind since he’s
in ancient Greece, they’re joined by… Hercules. Well, that’s a different
interpretation of the Hercules legend…
and after Pythagoras points out that Hercules is fat, in case we missed
it, Hercules tells Jason to be gone by the time he returns because he has no
wish to risk his own neck for Jason’s. A very sensible Hercules. Pythagoras is
less sensible and asks questions, leading to Jason telling him about his
missing father. The ugly necklace is the symbol of the Oracle who apparently
hangs out at the Temple of Poseidon
Next stop, the Oracle. Inside the Temple is very
impressed and we see Hercules already being blessed. The Oracle is expecting
Jason (if she wasn’t, she needs to find a new job) or so one of the attendants
claims and leads him to her where she is engaged in a bit of amateur chicken
butchery.
Exposition by Oracle – there are many worlds and Jason’s
world and Atlantis are just two of them. Atlantis feels vaguely familiar to
Jason because he was born there – before his father took him to Earth when he
was a baby in order to avoid his apparently many enemies. And Jason’s dad “walks
among the dead” which is Oracle talk for “you think I just said he’s dead but
by episode 10 you’ll find I was being unnecessarily cryptic and he’s actually a
night watchman at a cemetery”. His mother’s a complete mystery to the Oracle.
And why is Jason there? To alleviate the fear and suffering of the people apparently. Crypticness follows about Atlantis not being lost, people knowing what they must do and a path Jason must follow. At which point the attendants kick him out because foresight can’t ever actually be useful. With Jason out of the way one of them ask the Oracle about a big glaring omission – apparently Jason will be safer not knowing “who he is”
Ah hell, is that a Chosen One storyline swimming into
view?
Jason returns for a chat with Pythagoras until a procession
shows up of people preying to Poseidon. Apparently they’re going to send 7
people to the Minotaur to munch upon or Poseidon, as is the Greek gods’ wont,
will smash everything in an epic, divine hissy fit.
They return to Pythagoras’s house (or, as it turns out,
Hercules’s house but he agrees to let Jason stay when Pythagoras reminds him he
paid off his gambling debts). But that night Hercules sneaks out the house,
defying the curfew and it’s instant-death penalty (someone needs to reign in
these trigger happy guards). When Jason and Pythagoras catch up with him he
explains he spoke to the Oracle who told him he must face the Minotaur – he’s
fleeing in the hope of not being eaten. Of course, the guards find them and we
have another chase scene – this time with hunting lions. Jason manages to
escape with suddenly appearing gymnast skills that confuse everyone. Him included.
The next day everyone gathers in front of King Minos to
draw lots on whether they become Minotaur food or not (the king watches while
his 20,000 strong population draw lots, one at a time? Well you can’t say the
king doesn’t suffer as well!). And Hercules draws a white stone. Jason (after
making eye contact with the woman who I presume is going to be the designated
love interest) also draws white – but Pythagoras draws black.
Back at the house they discuss various options, but
Pythagoras refuses to escape because that just means someone else will be
chosen instead of him.
Designated love interest, Ariadne, daughter of King Minos
angsts over people dying to appease the gods and blames her father since he’s
the one the gods want to punish it seems. Her mother slaps her for stepping out
of line.
Before Pythagoras wakes up, Jason takes armour and a
sword from his house and the black stone – and goes in his place. More
eye-contact with Ariadne. While Jason is being ritually prepared, Ariadne takes
over from the attendant and asks why Jason’s there since she saw him draw
white. He tells her he is there for his friend and that he intends to kill the
Minotaur, he has some kind of magic surety about it. She teaches him how to use
a thread to find his way out of the labyrinth and gives him a special enchanted
skein.
When Pythagoras realises what Jason has done he tries to
stop him – but is told that it’s his fate to bore school children for
generations (ok, that was a good line). Instead, Pythagoras intends to rush to
the cave before Jason with weapons. Hercules following out of shame
It doesn’t quite go to plan, they’re caught but manage to
get a sword to Jason. He faces off against a guard who promptly knocks it from
his hand –Jason has no sword training after all. Hercules and Pythagoras are
taken as tribute to the Minotaur and two of the other victims are allowed to
leave.
The tributes enter the labyrinth, Jason reassuring a female tribute, Helen and trailing his magical string. The group scatters in the face of the Minotaur (while Jason is off alone scouting or some such) and the first man is killed (without a splash of blood. Aww, are we really going to have a SANITISED Greek-myth based show?). Jason finds Pythagoras – but then runs from him when he hears Helen scream.
For reasons unknown, the Minotaur hasn’t merely knocked
her down, leaving Jason to confront it. After a bit of dodging and being thrown
to the floor he manages to grab a sword off the piles of bones scattered about
and raise the sword as the minotaur charges him – stabbing it almost
accidentally
I wish I could say I was being flippant, but it really is that anti-climactic.
The minotaur returns to human and thanks Jason – by name –
apparently it was foretold that only Jason could decurse him. Apparently he betrayed
Jason’s father – and Jason must make sure King Minos never finds out who Jason
is adding that Jason has a great destiny. Then he dies before actually
answering any questions. Oh gods this trope? Really? Cheese
levels just got critical!
Cut to the Oracle dramatically declaring that the Earth Bull has been slain. This means that Jason is the answer to their prayers but, to no-one’s surprise, enemies will try and kill him for it.
Jason, Hercules and Pythagoras are taken to King Minos to
be praised (what? You sent prey to the Minotaur because Poseidon would have a
hissy fit – but he’s fine with you killing his bull man?) and Jason returns
Ariadne’s magic string which he, apparently used. Of course, evil mother
notices her interest. And the three guys banter as the episode ends.
Ok… first impressions?
Why does everyone speak English? Or does Jason speak Ancient Greek? If so, how and why?
That is the least of my issues. This is incredibly cheesey, it’s more than a little ridiculous, it makes little sense – and I have a sneaking suspicion it’s actually taking itself seriously rather than embracing the sheer silliness of the whole thing. Part of that isn’t helped by some really really dodgy acting. Really dodgy.
The plot is yawn-worthy in its clichés. Jason has his 2 goons for comic relief, the smart one and the inept funny one (who is fat, of course, clowns have to be). Jason himself is some nebulously defined Chosen One as alluded do by various cryptic people who are cryptic just because (a death bed not-revelation scene? Even Shakespeare would consider that trope dated) and he becomes a hero through sheer random pointlessness. He has caught the intrigued eye of the most-likely-evil king’s daughter for a classic love interest with some star-crossed side plots.
Inclusionwise I generally wait a few episodes to see what
emerges – but the pattern seems pretty set. We have 3 women: 1 is a victim who
is rescued, 1 is a love interest and 1 is a likely-evil mother supporting her
husband. We have 3 POC, King Minas (likely evil king to be
fought/deposed/killed), Ariadne (love interest) and a nameless, dead tribute.
Ariadne may develop but I doubt it.
This ancient Greek setting looks very straight so far, as
well.
I thought I might like the world building – but I think the Ancient Greeks are being used for random words, nothing more
