In the Great
Frozen North: Sam and Gilly
Sam babbles along about the various forts on the wall,
including the oldest one, the Night Fort, that was abandoned long ago because
it was just too damn big to maintain but that it has a secret passage through
the wall, he knows how to use. Gilly is stunned by how much he knows and that
he learned it all simply by reading – considering him a wizard from her very
simply and narrow point of view.
Also North –
probably still cold: Jon the Pouty (who knows nothing), Ygritte (who tells
him so) and random wildlings who need to die soon so I can stop remembering
their names.
The gang contemplates stealing from a horse breeder, with
Jon the Pouty trying to convince them all not to kill the old man and steal
everything he has; something even Ygritte doesn’t understand since, in the
harsh view of the Wildlings, dying of old age is something to fear. Jon tries
the excuse that the Nights Watch will send more troops to chase a murderer than
a thief – but Tormund things that’s great
- killing Nights Watch in the open is much much easier than killing them
in castles.
That’s very logical tactical thinking. Careful their
Tormund, Jon’s a Stark. This thinking stuff may leave him hopelessly confused.
As they advance on the hut, Jon deliberately bangs his sword on a rock, alerting the horse breeder. He jumps on a horse and escapes – as Ygritte tries to shoot him Jon distracts her.
Cold cold North: The
Psychic Starks & crew
They’ve arrived at the Gift, a piece of land the Starks
gave the Nights Watch long ago to support themselves – but it’s abandoned since
most of the farmers fled from repeated wildling raids (with lots of apologise
to Osha – especially after Rickon mentions Old Nan telling stories about
Wildlings drinking blood – which Osha plays to).
Sheltering in a tower, Brandon considers how they’re
going to go over the wall – yeah, it’d take more than psychic woo-woo to
convince me to go to the great and frozen North. I’d need Maple Syrup at least.
Osha came south by the sea, taking a boat round the wall. Jojen points out only
3 of the 19 castles are still manned, so one of them will have a way through
despite Brandon being sure the gates were sealed. Poor Hodor panics with the
thunder
And out the window Meera sees a rider – the fleeing horse
breeder Jon and the Wildlings attacked (he mocked their band name). Osha tries
to calm poor Hodor while the wildlings on horseback catch up with the man. In
the tower they try to remain quiet, but Hodor panics more and more loudly as
the storm continues. Bran’s eyes turn white – as do Hodor’s – and Hodor
quietens. We’ve seen eyes turn white before when Wargs have ridden in the minds
of animals. The whole tower looks at Bran in several kinds of shock.
Outside the tower, Tormund dismisses Orell’s (who is a
Warg) claim that he can hear shouting inside since it’s all quiet, and they
focus on the old horsebreeder. Tormund prepares to kill him, giving the old man
the dignity of standing first – but Orell wants to make Jon kill him. 2
Direwolves – Summer and Shaggydog, look on.
Inside the tower, Jojen encourages Bran to contact the
wolves – as he had with Hodor.
Jon draws his sword and gets ready to kill the man – but can’t.
And after considerable delay, Ygritte shoots him instead. All the wildlings
come on guard, Orrel accusing Jon of still being a Crow. Tormund tells the
wildlings to attack – Jon and Ygritte fight but Tormund takes Ygritte captive.
Inside the tower, Bran does his wargy thing and Sunmmer and
Shaggydog attack, slaughtering several Wildlings. Jon kills several more – and Orell
though Orell wargs himself and attacks Jon with an eagle. Bashing it aside he
runs for a horse and rides off – leaving Tormund and Ygritte behind. Ygritte watches
him leave with an extremely well acted expression of shocked and outraged
disbelief.
In the Tower, Bran admits he can get into Summer’s mind
whenever he wants and Jojen is more impressed by him being able to enter Hodor’s
mind. There are wargs north of the wall who can get into the minds of animals,
but none that can get into the mind of a person. He talks to Osha and she
insists, again, that she’s not going north of the wall, but Bran says he doesn’t
want her to – he wants her to look after Rickon – who he wants to go with Osha
to the Umbers. Rickon wants to stay with him but Bran is wiser: Robb’s at war
and he is going beyond the wall – if they both die Rickon is the heir.
That sounded suspiciously like common sense coming from a
Stark. Maybe losing their ever loving mind is something that happens to them
when they reach 20?
Osha reassures Rickon and reminds Bran what she owes the
Starks – for taking her in and treating her kindly when they had no reason to –
and agrees to take Rickon. She tells Meera and Jojen to keep Bran safe because “he
means the world to me.” They leave right away, in the night.
In Exotic Foreign
Parts: White And Delightsome Daenerys
Daenerys and her council discuss war strategy, especially
the back door into the city that Daario knows in between lots of flirting with
Daenerys. He plans on him leading in another through the city to open the gates
– but Jorah is suspicious; in the end, Daenerys asks Greyworm if he trusts Daario
since it’s his life on the line and he leads the Unsullied – he agrees. Ser
Barriston wants to join in the killing but Ser Jorah points out he’s
Queensguard, his job is to guard the queen.
That night, Daario, Greyworm and Jorah enter through the
back gate – Daario going first to kill the guard. And they arrive in a square
and are surrounded by a large force of soldiers which they slaughter easily
(because they’re that awesome). Then the second wave turns up
Daenerys anxiously waits their return until a blood
stained Jorah and Greyworm appear. Jorah tell them the slave soldiers threw
down their weapons and surrendered. And Daario appears – waiting just long
enough for Daenerys to worry that he’d died. He kneels and presents her with a
banner – the city is hers.
I’m not entirely sure what happened there – but presumably
they told the slave soldiers of Astropor how wonderful Daenerys is and they put
down their weapons?
In Riverlands: The
Hound and Arya
Heading off to see the Starks, the Hound sees someone on
the road and knocks them out before drawing his knife to silence them. And Arya
intervenes and chews him out for attacking and killing the weak and the helpless,
children and old people. He keeps trying to advance and Arya keeps pushing him
back. He finally agrees but tells her her kindness will get her killed; just as
the old man stirs and she knocks him back into unconsciousness with a block of
wood.
Not THAT kind. The Hound looks on with his mouth open. Ok, +10 points of Arya.
They pause while the Hound munches his way through a cart
full of pig extremities within sight of the Twins. The Hound points out she’s
scared – scared now she’s so close to her goal and she might not reach it,
telling her she can’t hide it from her. So she throws back his fear of fire.He
retaliates with her dad’s execution and she calmly informs him that some day
she will put a sword through his eye and out the back of his skull. Leaving the
Hound looking a little shaken, again.
+20 points for Arya. The amount she has hardened has been
incredibly shown with on brief action and one short line.
Also in The Riverlands,
at the Twins: The Starks, who left their single family brain cell in
Winterfell, alas.
Robb has a cunning plan laid out on his battle map which
Catelyn the Spunky is unsure of. I don’t know where to leap here. I mean Robb
has the brains of a concussed marmot – but Catelyn doesn’t even have the brains
of a concussed marmot.
The chances of a cunning plan coming from this tent seems
unlikely.
Anyway, it’s Robb’s plan to take Castlery Rock, steal the
Lannister gold and say “nah-naaaah!” to the Lanisters. And why is he telling
Catelyn? Because he ignored her advice before and it all went wrong – sio he
wants her advice to ensure he makes a good plan!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! Oh that’s classic! Hey, do you have any more high value hostages to release? No? How about kidnapping random people on the road to start a war? I’m sure Catelyn has lots of great advice! Hey hey, they could find their biggest ally and supporter and execute him! Doesn’t that sound like an awesome plan?
Catelyn considers then backs the plan (this plan is
endorsed by Robb and Catelyn. DOOMED! DOOOOMED I SAY!) but more based on
emotion than deductive reasoning. And, of course, it depends on the Freys
co-operating (which, y’know, they would have if you hadn’t screwed THAT up as
well).
The Starks are astonishingly talented at defeating
themselves.
The Starks are welcomed by Lord Fray and offered the traditional
host gift of bread and salt and Robb presents his apologies for screwing him
over on the marriage thing. Walder Frey presents his many many many daughters
and granddaughters who were disrespected – while showing them very little
respect himself (and even forgetting one of their names). Robb makes a flowery
apology and Walder demands to see Talisa and then launches into the skeeviest,
most repellent objectifying summation of Talisa’s looks you can imagine.
However, being a nasty letch, he understands Robb breaking an oath for a
beautiful woman (not his words).
Edmure’s wedding begins, Walder Frey leading in the
veiled bride, the Starks in attendance. Walder Frey unveils her – and she’s
beautiful (much to Edmure’s shock). She kneels and says she hopes she isn’t a
disappointment. Far from it. He cloaks her, according to Westeros wedding
ceremony – and recite the wedding vows.
There’s a huge feast after the wedding celebrating in
grand style. Catelyn and the Blackfish celebrate happily seeing Edmure very
content with his new bride, and learn that Lord Bolton has also married a Frey
granddaughter – since Lord Frey promised her weight in silver as a dowry, he
has a “fat young bride”. Catelyn’s face shows how little she thinks of such a
summation. Robb and Talisa flirt (and Talisa is convinced that Catelyn still
doesn’t approve of their marriage) but Talisa stops him kissing her since it
could be seen as a slap in the face to the Freys.
And Walder speaks out for a grand old tradition of the “bedding” which we heard referred to at Sansa’s wedding. The crude way Walder describes it doesn’t fill me with confidence. Robb, still creeping to Walder, naturally agrees. A gang of men converge on Rosalyn (Edmure’s new wife) and carry her away, and a gang of women lead Edmure away – both groups throw loose items of clothing from the two into the crowd. Catelyn expresses sympathy for her but Lord Bolton thinks every bride goes through it – but Catelyn says Ned forbade it. (The actual tradition involves both couples being stripped by their respective gangs who make lots of lewd jokes and bundle them in bed together – then spend all night outside the door making lewd suggestions. How romantic) Talisa also finds the custom odd – but Robb puts it down to tradition – and proof that the marriage is consummated. Talisa, being pregnant, points out she has her own proof and adds that she wants to name the child, if it’s a boy, Eddard.
Then a Frey son closes the grand doors and Catelyn
becomes suspicious, and more as the band plays a new song which also worries
her
Outside, the Hound and Arya arrive – but the guards won’t
let them in the castle. Arya takes the chance to slip out of the cart and run
off.
Walder stops the music and begins a speech –and Catelyn
realises Lord Bolton is wearing armour under his clothes. She slaps him and
shouts a warning to Robb. Lord Bolton runs – and the man behind Talisa stabs
her repeatedly in the stomach. Crossbowmen around the gallery of the hall
launch a hail of bolts into the crowd, killing the guests and hitting Robb
several times, one bolt hits Catelyn in the back. Frey men move through the
crowd, slaughtering the Starks and Tullys
Arya sneaks into the keep – and sees Frey men ambush the
Stark guards. She sees Robb’s direwolf, Grey Wind, in a cage – but before she
can release him, Frey men shooting him with crossbows. She watches as the
fallen wolf closes his eyes. She tries to run to a horse, but the Hound catches
her, tells her it’s too late and knocks her unconscious.
Inside, the injured Catelyn drags herself under a table
and Robb drags himself to Talisa’s body. Walder orders the fighting to stop so
he can watch Robb reach Talisa. Catelyn moves from her hiding space, grabs
Walder’s wife and holds a knife to her throat, begging for the life of her son.
Offering herself as a hostage, she desperately begs Robb to get up and walk
out, to leave. She swears if Walder doesn’t let Robb go she will cut his wife’s
throat.
Walder says he will find another – and Lord Bolton comes
from the shadows and stabs Robb again, telling him the Lannisters send their
regards. Catelyn screams and cuts Walder’s wife’s throat. And stands, frozen in
shock, until one of the guards slices her throat. She falls.
Well… I knew it was coming and it was still extremely, powerfully,
mightily well done. The acting and the whole presentation of it
It beggars any other comment really.
And to those of you who are utterly shocked by killing
off main characters like this – especially if you are horrified and appalled by
it, I remind you this George R R Martin
