Tamara and Gregg have Hook tied up (and he still hasn’t
mussed his eye-liner) and tell him the wonderful news that Rumplestiltskin is
still alive! Isn’t that nice? They have a deal for him – he help them find
Gregg’s father and they help him kill Gold.
Fairyland flashback” Regina is searching for Snow White
who has gone into hiding, but arrives too late. She has her soldiers gather up
everyone in town to tell them what a bad person Snow is and how she will stop
her. It’s not the most convincing argument. No villager speaks up and she
orders them to be slaughtered.
In Storybrooke Mary Magaret and David discuss going back
to the Enchanted forest and the trouble with Regina – Henry won’t want to go
without her (Mary Margaret even acknowledges Regina’s motherhood! Shock of
shocks!) but they don’t want to give her more chances. David comes up with a
choice – Regina stays behind or she comes and lives the rest of her life in
Rumplestiltskin’s old cell. Overhearing, Regina is not a fan of this plan.
Back to fairyland where Regina demands Rumplestiltskin
tell her why she’s so unpopular – he points out that slaughtering entire
villages doesn’t exactly win hearts and minds. Regina protests that she’s not
evil – Snow is evil! She’s spreading nasty rumours! He tells her to settle for
them fearing her, they’ll never love her. Once Snow white is dead they’ll see
Regina’s kindness… uh-huh “through the charred remains of their homes” Rumplestiltskin
adds.
Regina wants a shapeshifting spell, unable to cast it
herself and not having the time to learn, she gets Rumple to cast it – though she
can’t use magic while under its influence. The price? Cutting off trade with
King George to impoverish his kingdom. Regina agrees.
Real world, Regina goes to see Henry and shows him the
magic beans and tells him that Emma, Mary Margaret and David have been keeping
secrets from him. And that they all want
to go to the Enchanted Forest without her. Henry suggests they intend to bring
her and haven’t told her yet but Regina says they only see the Evil Queen –
which they made her. She wants to go back and start over – as the hero. And how
is she going to achieve this? Well she uses her Curse failsafe that will remove
the curse as if it never happened! And destroy Storybrooke and kill everyone in
it.
Henry isn’t a fan of this plan. She protests that if she slaughters everyone it will be just them 2 and he’s bound to see her as good then! Henry describes her as a villain which shocks and appals her and she alters his memory so he won’t try and stop her.
Back in fairyland and the disguised Regina is shocked to
discover that the populace don’t like her very much and are even burning her in
effigy! Guards run in and suspect Regina is the one behind the effigy burning
and they run her in. Regina somehow forgetting both that she’s in disguise and
that she can’t use magic – because they just removed her brain this episode
Back to Storybrooke and Hook approaches Regina telling
her all about Gregg and Tamara’s plans and wanting to join Regina on side.
Regina decides to let him in on the escaping to Fairyland while reducing
Storybrooke to rubble plan – which will also kill Gold.
At Granny’s Diner Emma runs into Tamara – literally – and
knocks everything out of her hands. She helps pick it all up and notices Tamara
has a list of many prominent people in Storybrooke – and their fairy tale
aliases. Emma worries about the town’s
secret but Tamara assures her she can trust her. To Emma – who always hears a
lie. Emma rushes to Mary Margaret and tells her that she thinks Tamara is the
woman August warned them about. Mary Margaret tells her not to jump to
conclusions because there could be a rational explanation for this… somehow.
And wants Emma to be careful since she may give Henry the idea that Neal and
Emma are going to get together again.
All of this is moot because when Mary Margaret leaves,
henry pops up from where he’s been eavesdropping, preparing to investigate
Tamara
Hook and Regina go to Regina’s vault – and we have a fairlyland
flashback of Regina being dragged to execution by her own guards before she’s
rescued… by Snow White (her pre-lettuce days) – in the vault Hook considers
whether their mutual quests for revenge are why no-one likes them and how, once
they have revenge, his life will be empty. Isn’t that… a little convolutedly self-aware?
Does anyone really think like that? Why is he dumping all of this clumsy
exposition? Of course Regina has Henry since the last thing anyone can accuse
this week’s Regina of being is self-aware. Also she claims back
the leather bracelet Cora gave hook to help him climb the beanstalk.
They arrive in the cave which is guarded by Regina’s old
friends. The
same cave Emma went in – and killed the dragon way back in season 1. She
plans to use Hook as a distraction/lunch for Maleficient – who is no longer a
dragon but a strange screeching undead thing of half decent CGI. He slices her
with his hook and she just gets bigger – drawing on dust and dirt to increase
in size. While they’re distracted, Regina breaks the glass coffin she has
stored there to find the gem hidden inside it.
Back to fairyland where the disguised Regina is cared for
by Snow White in the woods, she has a fever and will be down for a couple of
days. Regina is surprised by Snow’s woodcraft skills and questions why Snow
would help a complete stranger and put her life at risk. Snow tells her how she
was inspired by a woman who risked her life to save her from a runaway horse (which
is, of course, Regina) and how you can be such a wonderful, selfless
person.
Back to Storybrooke with Henry and Emma having a fun
stakeout to spy on Tamara and Emma discussing whether Henry wants to go the
Enchanted Forest. Emma’s questions mean Henry makes a leap to magic beans and
that there is a way back – and is excited at the idea of him, Emma and Neal all
in a castle. Emma tries to put the brakes on that, but then Tamara leaves.
Henry pushes for Emma and Neal to get back together once Tamara is proved “evil”.
He stands watch while Emma searches Tamara’s room. But Neal shows up and
recognises Henry’s warning signal because he taught it to Emma.
Neal isn’t impressed and doesn’t believe there’s anything
wrong with Tamara, and adds that he helped her make the list so she could be
more acclimatised to Storybrooke. They search the hidden floorboard just in
case, but find nothing.
Back to fairyland with Snow and Regina moving on from the
camp to avoid patrols and, just in case, Snow gives Regina a sword and tells
her to stay behind her. But Regina’s conscience bothers her and she asks Snow
about, well, herself. Snow talks about the pain she thought Regina was in and
how she wanted revenge more than love and she thinks there is good inside the
queen – she’s just afraid to look vulnerable.
It’s a touching moment until they come across a huge pile of bodies of people who helped Snow White. Regina is shocked at how far her guards went (WHY? She ordered them to KILL A VILLAGE?! How is this not what she expected?!) and Snow melts in tears because they died because of her. This break Snow and she decides, actually, it is too late for Regina if she’d do this. Regina protests about saving her on the horse and Snow realises it’s Regina in disguise. Of course Regina forgets she can’t use magic (AGAIN) and ends up running.
Back to Storybrooke and Regina emerges from her vault to
find Hook has survived – and Tamara and Gregg join him. It seems they have a
way against magic – an anti-magic tool that cancels Regina’s power.
Back to Emma and henry and Henry has fully invested in
proving Tamara evil and going back to the Enchanted Forets
Leeroy, Mary Margaret and David check on their bean crop –
and find it has all been burned. All the beans have been stolen.
Back to fairyland where Regina demands from
Rumplestiltskin why he didn’t come when she called. He points out he said she
could call but he didn’t promise to answer. Rimplestiltskin wants to play “I
told you so” and Regina accepts that people will never love her. And for that
she will punish them and she embraces the name of Evil Queen.
Back to Storybrooke – the leather cuff Regina is wearing
that she got from Hook has been rigged with anti-magic technology which Gregg
apparently developed and while she’s wearing it, she can’t use magic. And she’s
now their prisoner.
Regina’s history just became awfully spotty. If she has
committed massacre upon massacre then why wasn’t this mentioned more in the arguments
against rehabilitating her in the past? I smell a little bit of a… readjustment
of the story to make Regina’s role of The Most Evil of them All more solid.
Especially the idea that she would stomp to Rumplestiltskin and say “I’ve been
slaughtering them and they’re still not loyal!?” Seriously, Regina is not so
mind numbingly stupid as to think “the beatings will continue until morale
improves” is actual sound advice. “I’m not evil I just slaughter who villages,
it’s all Snow White’s fault…” seriously? No. This is ridiculous. “I’m going to
reverse the curse and kill the whole town but I’m sure you’ll sign off on this
Henry.” No. This is ridiculous. Did
Regina develop a severe crack habit that we all missed? There is no way that
the woman who saw Henry willing to blow up the well with dynamite to stop magic
would think Henry was going to agree to this it’s ludicrous. She’s have been
far better off saying “Mary Margaret and David intend to put me in a cage,
forever” and playing on his sympathy.
It’s character breaking. It’s bemusing. It’s a complete
retcon. It’s a hot mess. Even aside from issues of motherhood or the redemption
of Regina vs Gold, the WOC villain vs the white man villain, this is just
blatantly awful writing.
I do like the little hints of Rumplestiltskin’s master
plan. By impoverishing King George, he forces him to make a pact with Mithras,
which means tapping David as a Prince to kill the dragon which leads to Snow
and David being involved which, in turn, leads to Regina’s downfall and using
the curse.
On Henry being excited about the Enchanted forest. Both he
and Emma are the product of the 20th and 21st century
west. More, he has been raised with immense wealth. He has access to
electricity, indoor plumbing, hot water on demand, chocolate, television, computer
games, easily produced ice cream in a thousand flavours (which he is eating),
in fact all the variety and easily available food he will be used to. He has
cars and an array of printed books and a gazillion billion trillion uberzillion
more things he will miss in a medieval setting
