Our epic story of good and evil and demons and angels has
taken an abrupt turn into “YA High School love triangle” territory and I’m not
the only one un-amused by the transition. Leon, looking like a hurt puppy makes
his feelings plain to Ella and, rather more menacingly, Mephistopheles makes it
clear to Malachi he isn’t happy either.
Leon leaves the seat next to Ella for Malachi – and
Awesome Headmaster David then leads a lesson on 1020s Germany, by happy
coincidence (I’m actually shocked they have a history lesson – previously all
they’ve studied is art, film and martial arts. I was beginning to think it was
a particularly violent art school) which sets Ella and Malachi giggling.
Ella tries to clarify whether Leon has actually dumped
her to which he responds he has. He’s going more for cold and angry than
sobbing and wailing which rather throws Ella
Flirting between the mortal enemies continues (did I
mention how ridiculous this relationship is?) until Ella starts getting spots –
which she reacts to rather dramatically, as is her wont. But as the flirting continues
– so does the spots. Until half her face is covered in pustules. (I want this
tool for other love triangles! Romance getting in the way of the plot? BOILS!
Scabs! Itchy rashes!)
Somewhat upset by this she goes to the taxi rank where
the Archangel Raphael works, to show him her scabby scabby face. Turns out her
boils are a Biblical plague on her for feeling things for Malachi – and it’s
beyond Raphael’s power to stop.
It also seems Raphael is manipulating Leon – and this
whole independent, angry at her cheating on him thing is not because he grew a
spine but because of Raphael’s manipulative plan to get Ella back. Do not trust
Archangel’s for romantic advice – especially not creepy ones.
Malachi is having his own problems. Hell doesn’t go in so
much for boils – they’re punishing him with blindness and having Mephistopheles
be all smug and disapproving as well. His blindness gives Alex a chance to make
her move on him pretending to be Ella, but she doesn’t even get a kiss out of
it, sparing us from a love rectangle.
I think Ella’s boils are certainly the more unpleasant
punishment, but having Mephistopheles’s gloriously dry disapproval may push the
scales a little.
Thelma and Mia go to Mia’s funeral – which is as
depressing as it sounds. But they do bond together extremely sweetly, building
their relationship. It’s nice to see but I think the monster of Thelma’s guilt
is going to be a problem. They even have oral sex in the dining hall during
dinner, taking advantage of their invisibility in a very interesting way. But
the happiness is shaken by Thelma noticing a tattoo on Mia’s neck – Malachi’s
symbol. Asking Malachi about it, it seems Mia is Malachi’s property. And Mia
has noticed the tattoo – and is giving Thelma the cold shoulder until she is
told what it means.
Ella enlists the help of Thelma to bring her food and
water while she’s hiding and trying to treat the extremely painful, itchy boils
that are breaking out all over her body. Thelma makes it clear that Malachi is
the problem. And she’s considerably less Team Malachi after learning about Mia’s
tattoo.
Ella gets the creepy Raphael to give out her lecture –
but rather than just telling her to forget Malachi, he’s also quick to push
Leon at her. Ella and Thelma also commiserate over how their hearts and
relationships are completely out of their control. Raphael tries to lead Leon
to Ella for a nice re-acquaintance, but that ends badly with Leon running away
retching at the boils. Smooth Leon, real smooth.
Malachi finds the secret passage while blind and goes
stumbling through the hidden corridors of the school crying Ella’s name, while
the scabby Ella hides so he can’t see her in her condition (not knowing Malachi
is blind). But Thelma leads Malachi down to Ella in exchange for him sorting
her little mark problem. Thelma probably doesn’t have the best career in
helping the blind ahead of her. Ella is reassured that Malachi can’t see her
with her affliction.
Malachi declares the solution is to kill Ella or sleep with her. She protest at how nasty and oozy she is – but aww, love is blind (and so is Malachi) so Leon gets to come in, stomach under control, just as they’re kissing. The kiss apparently contained plutonimum because we get a massive explosive3 light effect that rather surprises Raphael and seems to actually amuse Mephistopheles.
Stop.
Just STOP this whole Ella and Malachi having a love
beyond words. They barely know each other. He is the spawn of Satan (kinda),
she the angel’s champions. They literally have Heaven and Hell throwing all
their forces to stop them getting it on, they’re afflicted with biblical
plagues, Archangels and Demonic Dukes have personally made time in their
schedules to tell them what a bad idea their relationship is. Why are they
still together?
Where did this love even come from?! Where did a love so powerful that it literally drives them to defy heaven and hell actually come into being? It's killing this show for me that the whole plot line rests on a relationship that makes zero sense.
