So we begin this week with the search for the crystals so they can defeat the witch hunters once and for all! And to achieve this, Faye (with help from, of course, Melissa) is searching her house to see where her mother (Dawn, Evil Parent #1) is hiding the family crystal. Instead she finds a journal that talks about Dawn’s affair with John Blackwell, Cassie’s father (Evil Parent #3).
Back at the Scooby Den we have more discussion about the dangers of the witch hunters, the power of the crystal (and that they can be drained). The Elders know where the crystals are but John believes the Elders won’t help because they’d never trust the kid’s circle since they did strip the parents of their magic. So it’s time to split into groups and search some old people’s homes
Cassie also hopes that John and Jane – Cassie’s grandmother – will get along all happy families like. Since John used magic to plant a false story in Jane’s brain it seems unlikely he is that invested in a joyous reunion. Meeting Jane back at the house, she’s similarly unenthusiastic about John.
Melissa’s grandmother has many many crystals – so she and Adam have to sift through them (while Diana is with Grant – Pointless Aussie Liar guy). At Jake’s grandfather’s Cassie, Jake and Faye are told that the family considers the grandfather “crazy” and her has many many locks on his door (he is called Royce and will hereby be known as “Mentally Ill Elder #3” since Diana’s grandmother has already claimed “Mentally Ill Elder #1” and Jane is currently auditioning for Mentally Ill Elder #2”. Not like this show follows patterns or anything, is it?). They magically break in anyway and find stacks upon stacks of papers – and a conspiracy wall – which is like a wall collage for people who think Alien Elvis Shot JFK while making crop circles. And he has a list of their names and birthdates on the Conspiracy Wall – which is wonderfully reassuring, I’m sure.
Royce catches them, doesn’t believe Jake is Jake and throws a desk at them – of course, it’s 3 Circle witches against 1 witch so they pass it back again which is convincing apparently. But he thinks the Circles will kill them all. He gives them a history lesson – after the Salem witch trials (yes, of course they had to bring them up. You can’t have a programme about witches without invoking Salem) there were 3 Circles – 1 of which came to Chants Harbour (hadn’t they suffered enough?) but a Balcoin came to corrupt the Chants Harbour witches with black magic and forcing them into a confrontation with the Witch Hunters - and that he intended to corrupt the circle by having children (plural) with lots of dark magic. If he can corrupt all 3 Circles then he tips the balance and the war between good and evil (WHAT war between good and evil?) will be won by evil, end of the world, alarm etc. And he won’t give them his crystal because together they form a Crystal Skull which is the worstest weapon evah.
Faye reveals her mother’s affair to Cassie and Jake suggesting that she is the second Blackwell Child (and, therefore, Cassie’s half-sister). Sisterly feeling isn’t big though.
Meanwhile Callum (Evil Voodoo Drug Dealer) steals Royce’s map to his crystal because… I actually have no idea why, but he does. Melissa and Adam are sent to get the crystal before he does. Unfortunately down the mine Adam and Melissa find that it was an iron mine – which means magic won’t work
They get the crystal by Adam doing heroic things and Melissa worrying – but run into Callum carrying a gun. He wants to sell the crystal for a large amount of money. Melissa gives him a crystal to make him go away and the rest of the Scooby gang arrives. Callum tries to escape on a bike – Faye tries to stop him on her own to prove she has dark magic of her own but can’t – but Cassie comes and she can.
Charles (Evil Parent #2 – Diana’s father) meets with John (Evil Parent #3, Cassie’s father) to establish they dislike each other and that Charles blames John for his wife (Elizabeth’s) death and the whole disaster with the witch hunters that killed so many of the Parent Circle.
Charles follows this through by going to visit Jane – who is carving an anti-witch spell into a chair. They plan to kill John by sitting him on the anti-magic chair then using a Witch Cruet that Jane has prepared earlier to kill him. Jane, you have a knife. If you want to kill him you could do this thing we like to call “stabbing”. You’ll find when one has someone bound helplessly to a chair it’s actually really easy to do.
Anyway the plan works and while John is helpless and before they make with the Cruet killing, Jane decides she wants to know what really happened to Amelia (psst, it was Charles that did it). The crystal shows that John didn’t kill Amelia – and because of that Jane can’t bring herself to kill him. Charles can though and uses the Cruet – and it kills Jane! Surprise, John knew it was there and had already tampered with it (see? This is where stabbing is so much better). Showing himself as the most crafty one of all he makes Charles kneel with magic and makes it clear he’s alive because he’s useful.
Unnecessary Australian Guy, Grant, is still flirting with Diana. And, of course, she keeps running off when they’re supposed to be on a date and he is most displeased by this.
And Evil Voodoo drug dealer Callum is after Melissa. Melissa, I’d put in for a trade in for cute, awkward Australian liars – you got the worse end of the stick.
I am torn as to which of these 2 plot lines – the White Voodoo Dudes or the Aussie Liar - is more pointless and unnecessary. Still Melissa, Adam and Jake curse him so they will know if he ever comes back to Chants Harbour again.
In the conclusion Faye confronts John about her mother’s affair with John – but John says it was a crush and he didn’t return her feelings and never had a relationship. She isn’t his daughter.
Diana meanwhile tells Cassie she wants out – her date with Aussie Liar Guy was totally ruined by piffling Circle business and she wants to have a life without the Circle - she also reveals she didn’t do much because she couldn’t even get out the mine, it was spelled to keep her out. Just like it did Cassie. Yes, the spell was to keep out Blackwell magic – Diana is the second Blackwell child, she is Cassie’s sister
Ok, some more thoughts:
Apparently there’s a war between good and evil now, according to Royce. Well if the Circle was supposed to be fighting on the side of good it hasn’t been doing a whole lot of that the last 19 episodes – nor have their parents or grandparents as far as we can see. Is this another canon shift? Y’know you had 19 episodes of relatively pointless fluff – we could have fit the good and evil thing in there, I’m just saying
Speaking of creaking canon – apparently Iron stops magic. According to the rules that they, y’know, just made up. After all, the Witch Hunters and Jane are both using complicated magic to suppress a witch’s power – but hey, maybe they’re out of the ultra-rare substance iron. Now, I’m not against this because it fits with genuine superstitions and legends about magic – but sort of like the Witch Cruet they do like to use complicated methods.
Also why does every Witch have 1 grandparent? I can understand 1 parent because of the fire and all – but 1 grandparent? This is not how biology works. And where do non-circle witches fit into this Salem thing? Oh Secret Circle Canon, when will I give up trying to understand you?
Oh, and do I need to point out that we still haven’t seen Melissa’s parent OR grandparent, yet? And what the drama of finding Melissa’s family crystal was picking it out among New Age souvenirs? Anything more and we might actually have to involve her a little more!
