This week we’re focusing on her Dampness, Mary Margaret (that would be Snow White) the Soggiest of them all. And she starts by rushing around making goo-goo eyes at David (Prince James) while he goes to his wife. Apparently Mary Margaret gets up early to go to the coffee shop every morning so she can bump into him when he gets coffee for himself and his wife. Uh-huh, and then reveals she knows his entire schedule. As Emma rightly points out, this is more than a little stalkery.
Mary Margaret takes to rescuing stray birds, I’ll give the benefit of the doubt and assume she has a good heart and it’s not because she is desperate to see David/James at the Animal Shelter. The bird however forms monogamous relationships and oh how sad, if she doesn’t get it back to its flock it’ll be all alone (yeah, that metaphor is subtle, reallllly subtle) which is, of course, oh-so-sad (Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the soggiest of them all?). but it does give her an excuse to go cross country bird watching during a storm to be rescued by David (awwwww… damn it, Snow White isn’t this Spunky)
They end up being stranded in a lonely wood cabin in the woods where they can huddle together in front of romantic firelight to keep warm and, of course, they have to get dry (oh-aye, Mary Margaret, crafty lady) Soppy lovey-doveyness soon follows, but Mary Margaret’s morals get in the way. There’s much back and forth but eventually we get the oh-so-romantic kiss.
Thank gods we go to fairy tale land where Snow White actually kicks arse and would only stalk a guy because she intends to hold him at sword point and steal all his possessions and would regard little lost birdies as lunch. Unfortunately fairy tale Snow White has the same problem – getting her prince charming stuck in her head, but Red Riding Hood has a solution for that – to get Prince James out of her head. It involves visiting a man who grants unholy requests though. Of course, Rumplestiltskin. He gives her a potion to forget Prince James in exchange for some of her hair – bad bad BAD idea. Oh so bad idea.
Meanwhile, Prince James is going through similar heartache (though his not!dad has an interesting take of noblesse oblige that would almost make sense if it weren’t for the whole “kidnapped fake son” thing)and sends an angsty love letter to Snow White urging him to come to her for some pre-marital nookie… err, so they can run off together as Twu Luvs. She disguises herself as someone bringing flowers from the kingdom of Midas to sneak in. Seriously, flowers? Kingy can turn anything to gold with a touch and they believe he’d send flowers? They could at least be golden flowers. But she does get arrested while distracted mooning over dear James (well, those leather trousers…)
But she does get to meet Grumpy with his tragic love story. And, Stealthy (Stealthy? Hey, no taking liberties with the dwarfs!) who breaks Grumpy and her out but Snow returns the favour by saving his life by being awesome (see, that curse didn’t just make Snow White forget who she was, it totally removed all of her awesome).
The king presents Snow with an ultimatum – tell James that she doesn’t love him so he can complete the marriage and secure the kingdom, or he’ll kill James. Naturally Snow breaks James’ heart for the greater good. And she returns home with the dwarfs – and drinks the potion erasing her memory of James, just as James calls off the wedding. Well, isn’t that a nuisance.
And back in Storybrook, last week a mysterious stranger arrived – in the place no-one comes to (and I love Emma’s little side look showing she is starting to believe Henry). And Regina is, of course, disturbed at someone intruding into her little town and wants Emma to check him out. And he decides to taunt her with a curious box and interesting flirting methods. Turns out he’s a writer who finds the place inspiring (hmmmmm… mysterious) with a typewriter (what? This is the 21st century calling). I am curious.
Ok, I’m intrigued by mysterious writer guy – but Mary Margaret is so soggy I can’t find her remotely appealing. And her story is so very tragic and angsty – and hasn’t gone anywhere. Unrequited love but no progress. Not really to my taste, to be honest, I think we just kind of went round in circles. There was some development - especially in Fairy Land, but in the real world there was only really Mary Margaret and David finally getting together
